CHERIE Blair perches on the Prime Minister's bed, her famous lips poised for the lip-brush of lifestyle guru Carole Caplin.

The pair are alone, apart from a researcher, reporter, two PR women, photographer and two photographer's assistants from Marie Claire magazine.

It is quite a large room.

Carole: Hold still, please, Cherie, this is a bit of a tricky job without masking tape. (Applies lipstick.) I must say, I'm glad you've taken my advice and gone for a neutral shade, rather than that bright red.

Photographer: Look this way please ladies...

Cherie (blotting lips on a tissue): Well, I trust you Carole, although I must say I thought Vermilion Vamp was rather striking. Do you really think it was bad Feng Shui?

Carole: With your colouring, I'm afraid so... and besides, you'd never be able to stand near a letterbox in safety. Some people are very short-sighted, you know.

Cherie: Right, right.... oh, Carole, it's lovely to see you. I so value our little chats, and I knew you wouldn't mind the odd discreet camera crew in the background.

Photographer: Straight into the camera, if you wouldn't mind...

Carole (ignores him): Oh now, don't worry about photography, I haven't given it a second thought. It's been weeks since that nasty business with Peter, and in any case, this is my best side. Actually, I'm glad I came. Cherie, you have no idea how to present yourself for these people. Honestly, darling, the state of your sitting room!

Cherie: I know, I know... I just didn't realise how much better it would look to have Leo's toys all over the floor like that. Leo's a bit lost without his Thomas The Tank Engine, but I've sent Tony up to the nursery to reassure him and I'm sure he will stop screaming soon.

Photographer: Ladies...

Carole (looking around the bedroom): So Cherie, you sleep on the righthand side, do you? That's interesting...

Cherie (anxiously): It's not unlucky or anything is it? It's just that Tony insists on the other side. He's always slept like that.

Carole: Oh no, there's nothing inauspicious about your side of the bed. I was just thinking that it's so much more convenient for the en-suite. So tell me, did you have a good time in China?

Cherie: More or less, yes. There was a bit of nasty stuff at one point because of Alastair and that dreary Andrew Gilligan from the Today programme, but we kept smiling and everything started looking up when they got the karaoke machine out. Tony was a bit shy at first but thankfully, I knew the words to When I'm 64.

Carole: Hmm, yes, I did see that, actually. I must lend you my Coldplay album.

Cherie: Coldplay?

Carole: Oh really Cherie, think back to our June seminar on popular culture. You know... Brit band, lead singer goes out with Gwyneth Paltrow. He got arrested in Australia over something or other, but I won't hold that against him. Peter's hardly ever out of custody when he's over there.

Cherie: Have you heard from Peter lately?

Carole: Not really. As you know, I like to embrace the future. It's bad karma to brood on past mistakes, and I've got so much to look forward to. I'm in Hello! Magazine soon, you know...

Cherie: Really? Oh, what fun, we'll be on everyone's coffee tables together.

Photographer (wearily): Ladies, please look at me!

Updated: 10:52 Friday, August 01, 2003