FOR a quiet 12-year-old girl, someone who is probably a little shy and unsure of herself, the real world can be a tough place to live.

The Internet must appear to offer the perfect escape route.

Shevaun Pennington, like countless people of her age, regularly sought solace in cyberspace. In virtual reality, no one knows what you look like, where you live, what clothes you wear. The Internet chatroom is truly egalitarian, a place where users say they can "be themselves".

Or someone else. The very anonymity of the web allows surfers to reinvent themselves, often harmlessly. But there are older people lurking in teenage chatrooms for sinister motives.

We do not yet know the full story of Shevaun's disappearance with a 31-year-old ex-US marine. Yet this shocking story illustrates the dangers when reality takes over from fantasy.

Chatting, even flirting, with her "American boyfriend" from the safety of her kitchen was one thing. Going to meet him was very different.

Shevaun's parents had no idea their daughter was planning to run away from home with her new friend.

Stephen and Joanna Pennington felt they were in control of her Internet sessions by refusing to allow their daughter Internet access in the bedroom.

Unfortunately, keeping the computer in the kitchen does not constitute parental supervision. They believed she was corresponding with someone her own age, a nave and even dangerous assumption when it comes to the Internet.

The couple made the telling remark that they "rationed" Shevaun to five hours a day online. That she expected to stay on that long or longer indicates she had developed an unhealthy obsession.

The Penningtons' nightmare is a warning to all parents to get involved in their children's Internet activity. You might think they are safe as houses at home on the computer.

But their trip into cyberspace is like any other journey - and parents should strive to establish where they are and with whom at all times.

Updated: 10:54 Tuesday, July 15, 2003