'It's payback time'

ZOE WALKER talks to a remarkable woman.

THERE are some experiences in life that everybody hopes they will never have to go through. Discovering that they have cancer is one of them. So when Jean Williams was told that she had breast cancer five years ago she was completely thrown by the experience.

"When they told me, I couldn't think for about ten minutes," Jean says. "When somebody says you have cancer your head is racing and you don't hear anything the doctor says because you are thinking: Am I going to live? What's it going to be like? How am I going to tell my son?"

As part of her treatment, Jean's right breast was removed and reconstructed. Jean shows me the top of the breast. There is a large, pink scar above an area covered with very fine hair. "That's pubic hair," she laughs.

"They took that flesh from my pubic area so I have hair on my chest now. And they are actually moulding two nipples just like the originals for me at St Luke's in Bradford, you know."

Jean's healthy left breast was made smaller during the reconstruction but was also subsequently found to be cancerous.

At 2pm on the day we meet Jean is due to be admitted to hospital for a mastectomy which will be performed the next day. At 11am she is laughing and joking with me and photographer Paul Baker with a buoyancy that I am not sure I could manage if faced with a major operation mere hours away.

Jean, 55 and manager of the Aga shop in Harrogate, is one of the most remarkable and possibly the bravest people I have ever met - not only is she positive, philosophical and a really good laugh into the bargain, but her indomitable spirit is infectious.

On Wednesday, July 23, less than three weeks after her second mastectomy, she intends to take part in the Race for Life at The Great Yorkshire Showground in Harrogate. "It's payback time," says Jean. "I think I have taken a lot out since I have been ill and now I want to give something back to Cancer Research.

"Even if I am in a wheelchair I am going! My daughter in law and two friends will be there to make sure I am okay. I don't think it will have the same impact next year, will it?

"I'll only be walking around slowly and I actually wanted to do the race topless," says Jean. "But I thought people might be offended.

"The scars are still going to be very raw after the operation and I thought people might not like it.

"I'm not bothered about it being painful, no, but I didn't want to offend anyone. Maybe I'll do it topless next year - what do you think?"

Undoubtedly running the race topless would help to prove that life doesn't end with the removal of one or both breasts, that female sexuality and attractiveness run far deeper than a woman's cup size, and that women who undergo mastectomies have not only a right but a reason to be proud of their bodies - because just being alive in those bodies is something to celebrate in itself.

And sometimes as a race we humans get squeamish or scared and forget about the sheer joy in simply being alive in the process.

"I kept saying to people at work that when I have had both boobs done I am going to stand outside Marks & Spencer's topless with a tin for Cancer Research, and everybody has said 'You do it Jean! We'll be right behind you!'"

Jean claims that since learning she has cancer her outlook on life has completely changed - and that she has found more and more enjoyment in life every day and become less materialistic.

In fact after learning that she had cancer, she and husband Alan sold their house, moved into a smaller flat in Harrogate and determined to get on with doing all the things they have always wanted to do, the things that so many of us forget we have a limited amount of time for until we are presented with a sense of our own mortality that we cannot ignore.

"I'd really like to go to the Far East," says Jean. "And at the moment I really want to earn as much money for Cancer Research as I can."

Does Jean ever get angry? "No, I never think 'why me?' Why anybody? They reckon the odds for me to get it in the other breast are enormous and I thought to myself it's probably about the same odds as winning the lottery - and I just thought trust me!"

So what advice would Jean offer to other women who find themselves facing breast cancer?

"Don't give up," she says after thinking hard. "Live life just as before and carry on as normal as possible."

And what would Jean say to women concerned about losing a breast or what they might look like after a mastectomy and reconstruction?

"Well if you don't tell them then nobody will know. Nobody in the outside world knows anyway. I came home from hospital when I had the first breast done," she says, "I was getting ready for bed and I put a night-dress on. My husband asked me what I was doing and I said oh, I just got used to wearing one in hospital. But it wasn't that - I didn't want him to see me.

"And he said 'take that off' so I took it off and he kissed one breast and then the other and just said 'that's what I think'.

"Yes, sometimes we have both just sat here and cried, but you've got to get on with life - this is it," she says. "And if you are still here then it's still life, isn't it?"

You can make a donation to Cancer Research or sponsor Jean in the Race for Life by having your logo printed on Jean's T-shirt or cap. To arrange to do this call 01423 524790.

To enter the Harrogate Race for Life visit www.raceforlife.org Entries for the 5km event will be accepted until Wednesday, July 16.

Updated: 09:19 Monday, July 14, 2003