Feather report

HAVING lived for 32 years with a phobia of birds and all things fluttery, spending a day as a keeper at Harewood bird garden would not normally have been top of my list of things to do.

No one had forced me to go but after six months of trying to conquer this fear, I was up for the challenge.

When I had sat down with my therapist in January, we had come up with a plan of graded exposure to birds. It had begun with what seemed the easiest aspects of birds to deal with - pictures - and progressed to sitting in King's Square, York, with the pigeons; and, finally and scariest of the lot, a trip to Harewood bird garden, near Leeds.

The theory was that the more you confront your phobia, the more the fear subsides and eventually you realise you can deal with it.

So this was how I came to be at Harewood bird garden at 7.30 on a rainy morning, where I was met by bird curator Jim Irwin-Davis. I soon realised this was not going to be an easy day. I was here to be a keeper and that entailed helping out, not just standing on the side lines and looking at the birds.

First job of the day was feeding time. Thrown in at the deep end chopping fruit into the correct size pieces, I had my first shock of the day - and it had nothing to do with birds. Being a squeamish person, I suddenly realised I had had a narrow escape with the fruit as my eyes glanced at the food bowls to my side.

For the more faint-hearted amongst you, let's just say that like humans, not all birds are vegetarians. The other bowl contained dead chicks and mice.

It wasn't long before I could feel the panic rising as we went to a small room housing the baby and young birds. Shutting the door, I checked that the birds weren't going to get out and start flying around, but it was all right as they were young and couldn't really fly yet.

Panic number one over with.

We all set off for the bird garden to begin the food run. My first job was to help Celine, one of the curators, feed the penguins. No problem - have you ever seen a penguin fly? This was a great experience, once I got my head around picking up the fish - I told you I was squeamish - and trying not to slip into the pool. The penguins were just like little people and I did get a little nip on the back of my leg when I got in the way. Exposure number two out of the way and I was still alive.

My biggest achievement came next when our photographer arrived. We needed a picture which summed up why I was there. OK, so the bird in the picture was only two days old and couldn't fly yet but for me to actually be that near to a bird let alone hold one in my hand was brilliant!

Six months ago I would have thought that cute little thing was a killer and out to get me. I would have got in such a panic my heart would have been racing, I would have felt sick and would have made a fool of myself by running away.

The afternoon went in a flash. Feeling so brave by now, I entered any cage offered to me. I fed a grape to a hornbill, a brazil nut to a parrot, cleaned out numerous ponds with birds flying around my head and didn't get in a flap at all.

I even walked past the storks and flamingos to the lake to clean their food bowls - and they are big birds.

Leaving at the end of a hard day's work and chuffed to bits with myself, I couldn't wait to tell all my friends about it just to see the disbelief on their faces. The day had been a success.

So have the past the six months of scaring myself silly changed my life? The answer to that has to be a resounding yes. On a recent holiday to Italy, I sat in the main square in Sienna eating pizza surrounded by dive-bombing pigeons. I was only aware of them because I could tell that my boyfriend and friend Tracy were looking at them and then at each other with panic on their faces at how close the birds were to me. In the end I had to tell them to stop looking, I was fine.

My pigeon-radar has finally disappeared and I can go wherever I like without the prospect of having to crouch, run away and hide.

Updated: 09:18 Tuesday, July 08, 2003