Inn on the joke

A ghost walks into the same pub and orders a pint. Says the barman: "We don't serve spirits."

These jokes come to you courtesy of the Evening Press's two most senior photographers. It's laugh-a-minute here in the newsroom, as you can imagine.

We repeat them to get into the mood for the first York Comedy Festival, which kicks off on Monday and promises to be a whole lot funnier than Bar Talk.

Many pubs are in on the joke. Kennedy's, on Little Stonegate, boasts the official York Comedy Festival club bar.

Its top floor is being converted into a VIP green room, with access granted only to the performers, their mates, the organisers and others lucky enough to be granted a pass. Jugglers and caricaturists will be on hand to keep the special guests entertained.

The rest of Kennedy's Caf Bar is open as normal. Here too the drinkers can try some of the comedy cocktails, created by assistant manager Angie Goliger. These include A Bit Of Blue, named after a catchphrase by top star Peter Kay, and Tiernan's Treat, an alcoholic tribute to the headline act Tommy Tiernan.

Drinkers and professional comedians are also being encouraged to write a joke in a book to be auctioned later for charity.

And patrons will be chortling well into the night: Kennedy's has a late licence until midnight next week, and until 1am on the Friday and Saturday.

Angie is delighted to be a part of the festival. "It's going to be good to get the whole atmosphere going," she said.

She cites Tommy Tiernan, Peter Kay and Steve Coogan as her comedy heroes, but declined to tell a gag. "I'm useless at remembering jokes," she confessed.

So where else can you go for a giggle and a gargle? Naturally enough, the Ha! Ha! Bar is hosting an event (although strangely enough It's A Scream is not involved). Sadly, Paul Foot's improvised rant next Thursday has been cancelled thanks to another event at Ha! Ha! Tuesday's The Flirt Lab with Sweethearts and Bodyparts is still scheduled to go ahead.

Harkers in St Helen's Square is hosting the National Talent Hunt, showcasing new stand-ups every night from 7.30pm, with the grand final next Saturday.

"It's quite laid back," says Andy McCarthy, about the Harkers vibe. "We've just been refurbished, it's nice and comfortable and we have a team of happy people."

Will he be telling some of his own gags between acts? "I don't think so. It's not in the contract."

The Independent, on Haxby Road, is hosting An Evening With Mirth Control next Friday: four very different comedy acts.

Manager Dean Wood is confident the jokers will be among friends. "Most of our regulars are comedians," he said. "You can quote me on that.

"We have a lot of regulars, and we like a laugh," added the man who used to be a customer at the Independent before taking over on the other side of the bar four months ago.

Other bars taking part in York Comedy Festival include Casa, on Low Ousegate and the York Brewery bar on Toft Green. City Screen, host to the Other Side Comedy Club, is also taking part.

For more details see the website www.yorkcomedy.com, or pick up a festival brochure from one of the venues.

HERE'S a story to get you chuckling straight away. Shaun Collinge, the joker who sold York's first £4 pint of bitter the other week, has had his comeuppance.

The landlord of The Maltings, Tanners Moat, York, took a holiday funded from the beer money of his hard-pressed regulars. To celebrate his wedding anniversary, he and his wife, the magnificent Max, flew out to Milan with sister and brother-in-law.

Shaun and his brother-in-law bought successive rounds of a litre of beer each, a gin and tonic and a glass of wine. And then they asked for the bill. It came to £55. "It's divine retribution," wailed Shaun, who denied he is considering a similar pricing policy for the Maltings.

Updated: 16:01 Friday, June 20, 2003