STEPHEN LEWIS finds out about a new support group which aims to help parents whose children have suffered abuse

THE telephone call came out of the blue while George Smith was at work. It was his wife. She was crying, but wouldn't tell him why.

"She just told me to come home," he recalls.

What he discovered when he got home was every parent's worst nightmare. His ten-year-old daughter Sophie had been reading about child abuse at school. "And she had realised the same sort of thing was happening to her," says George.

What emerged, as police and social services became involved, was that a family relative, a man George and his family trusted, had been abusing Sophie for years.

George and his wife were devastated. As well as concern for their daughter's welfare, there were terrible feelings of guilt.

"She had been a bit moody, but we didn't think it was anything like that," he says. "We both felt guilty, that we hadn't known what had been going on." He also felt that as Sophie's dad, he had failed to protect his daughter.

Sophie was scared and upset. "I don't think she had realised at the time it was going on that what was being done to her was wrong," says George. "But when the police and everybody came in, then I think she realised what happened to her was wrong."

Saddest of all in the days that followed, George himself began feeling self-conscious around his daughter. "It was always in the back of my mind, if I said the wrong thing, or gave her a cuddle, that I didn't want to do something that would trigger her off and trigger a flashback," he says.

What made the family's situation even more difficult was that the abuser refused to plead guilty, so a court case loomed.

George says his wife became "very stressed out" and took some off work. He soldiered on, but the pressure was becoming unbearable.

At least his wife and daughter had the benefit of therapy and counselling sessions organised by the York branch of the NSPCC, he says.

Sophie was able to attend one-to-one therapy and George's wife attended the charity's fortnightly women's group for the mothers of abused children.

But for George, the husband, there was nothing. He didn't feel able to discuss it with colleagues at work and was left feeling isolated and excluded.

Eventually, he couldn't take it any more and confided in the human resources manager at work. "He was very understanding, and it took a lot of weight off my shoulders, just being able to talk," says George.

The relative who had abused Sophie eventually pleaded guilty, and was given a three-year jail sentence. His daughter is strong and appears to be coping well, says George. But he still worries about what will happen to her when the man comes out of prison. "I think she will be scared again."

To help men such as George the NSPCC in York has set up a new, monthly, "couples" group at its Osbaldwick Lane HQ for the non-abusing fathers and mothers of children who have been abused.

Child protection officer Gwynne Rayns says the idea is to enable fathers to become more involved in helping their children recover from abuse.

"Most services offering support to aid recovery are focused on the needs of women and their children," she admits. "The NSPCC wants to expand this and recognises that all family members, including non-abusing fathers, are deeply affected by abuse and that they often feel excluded from existing services.

"Abuse is not something men can easily talk about with their workmates. Through the couples group the NSPCC hopes to give mothers and fathers the skills and support they need to try to comfort and support their children and help put their lives back together again."

Jennifer Bailey, another member of the NSPCC therapeutic team, says the hope is that by being able to come along with their partners, men will find it easier to talk about their experiences. "We did set up a men's group a couple of years ago, but not many men came along," she says. "Men didn't seem to want to open up to each-other."

That is not the case with the new group. It was set up a couple of months ago and is officially launched this weekend to coincide with Father's Day.

George and his wife have already been to two sessions. "It was a bit nerve-wracking at first," he says.

"But it was good to be able to sit in a room with other couples who had experienced the same thing. After a while the men were speaking more than the women!"

The names of George and his family have been changed to protect their identities

To find out more about the York couples group call Gwynne Rayns on 01904 430455. The NSPCC Child Protection Helpline is open 24 hours a day on 0808 800 5000 to give advice and support to anyone concerned about a child's welfare

Updated: 11:38 Thursday, June 12, 2003