STEPHEN LEWIS learns how to curb his anger at the prospect of yet another bad movie.

THE thought of Jack Nicholson overacting in yet another hammy movie role is enough to drive anyone into a blind rage. As if maniac motorists, stroppy teenagers and surly shop staff weren't enough to contend with in our increasingly stressed-out lives.

To make matters worse, Jack plays opposite American funny man Adam Sandler - the world's least funny comedian - in his new film, Anger Management.

He plays anger consultant Dr Buddy Rydell, whose job is to provide therapy for Sandler, aka nice-guy Dave Buznik, who has been sentenced to undergo round-the-clock anger management treatment after an in-flight bust-up with an air stewardess.

Dr Rydell's unorthodox methods involve screaming a lot, moving in with his patient - and even sharing his bed. But at least he does have a nice line in snappy one-liners. Sarcasm, he says, is anger's ugly cousin. And temper is the only thing that doesn't go away if you lose it.

That's for sure. If it did, just imagine how many lost little tempers there would be wandering about the place, like hungry ghosts or North Yorkshire schoolboys flown to the wrong airport by mistake. There would be no room for anything else in the world.

Anger is nothing new. It's been around since long before Basil Fawlty was reduced to fits of apoplectic rage by the uncomprehending antics of his dim-witted Spanish waiter Manuel in Fawlty Towers.

But it is more obvious these days, admits Peter Gay.

Peter is a real-life Buddy Rydell - though he prefers the term alternatives to violence facilitator. Since 1991, he has been one of a number of volunteers who have run workshops and weekends across Yorkshire, aimed at helping ordinary people learn to manage and control their anger in situations of 'conflict'.

"There has always been conflict around," he says. "But I suspect that there is more stress around at the moment, and therefore people find it more difficult to deal with conflict."

He admits that he can feel furious for the pettiest of reasons: arguing with his partner about what colour to paint the bathroom, where to go on holiday, what to plant in the garden or how much to spend on a new car.

What really makes his temperature hit boiling point is rude motorists - the type who beep or flash a V-sign just because it took you more than a quarter of a second to register the traffic lights had turned to green.

But conflict situations are natural, Peter says - the important thing is how you deal with them. You may be seething inside: but it doesn't mean you have to let your temper take control. "Before hitting somebody over the head with a frozen chicken, why not see if you can work it out in a more friendly way?" he says.

Barry, a 39-year-old who regularly cycles around York, had got into the habit of responding to aggression from motorists with a V-sign of his own.

"I used to swear back at them, gesture back at them. It left me feeling very bad," he admits.

Then he went on an alternatives to violence workshop; and found there was another way. Instead of giving motorists a V-sign in response to their bad behaviour, he started giving them a thumbs up instead.

It may not always make bad-tempered motorists feel any better, he admits, especially if they think he's taking the Mick.

But if they've got any sense they will see the funny side - and it certainly makes him feel better.

This is a classic example of the way in which you can turn round your response to a situation and hopefully release the tension.

Peter says there is no hard-and-fast rule about how to defuse a tense situation. Everyone has to find a method that works for them.

"Taking a deep breath and counting to ten works for some people, but for others it doesn't," he says.

If he can feel his own temper beginning to rise, he will try to walk away. "If I can't walk off, maybe because I'm driving the car, I'll try to see it from the other person's point of view. I'll try to think they are obviously having a hard day themselves."

The important thing to realise, he says, is that you do have a choice. "What you want to be feeling is that you don't have to hit this person, you could do something else."

Various methods work for various people, he says. Some take the spiritual or philosophical perspective. "They think there is a higher power in control of the world and everything is unfolding as it should do."

One tea-lady he knew reacted to being threatened by simply staring at the person making the threats without saying anything, and the man eventually backed down. Peter wouldn't necessarily advise that for a man, however, because a man staring can be threatening.

One key is to learn to communicate better. Good communications skills can often help you achieve what you want without a need for conflict.

The best way to find a method that works may be to go along to an alternative to violence workshop, which teach a range of skills and strategies.

So that next time you see Jack Nicholson overacting you won't feel an overwhelming urge to smash the TV screen, but will go and make a cup of tea instead.

The Alternatives to Violence Project runs regular weekend workshops in York and across the north of England. Workshops look at building self-esteem, trust and co-operation, improving communication, and finding creative ways to resolve conflict. More workshops focus understanding the causes of violence, communication and forgiveness.

The next AVP York workshop is from June 13-15. Prices are kept low and help is available with accommodation. To find out more, call 01904 636318.

Tips on not doing a Basil:

Walk away if you can when you realise your temper is rising

Pause before reacting - it will give you time

Try to see the situation from the other person's point of view

Be truthful about you own position, and be prepared to change it if you discover it is not fair

Learn to respect yourself and to respect and care about others

Expect the best

Updated: 12:00 Friday, June 06, 2003