PATRONS are reminded to turn off all mobile phones. "If not, set them to vibrate. Sit back and enjoy".

So runs the opening gag in The Vagina Monologues, a cult hit that began as a one-woman show by its creator, American Eve Ensler, off-Broadway in 1996.

Since then this "down there" hit from over there has come over here and spread everywhere, being performed in 25 countries from Bulgaria to China.

In Britain, it has become almost an essential CV aperitif for the fashionable and famous performer and TV personality, from Honor Blackman - Pussy Galore herself! - to pop stars Mel B and Dannii Minogue, and models Caprice and Jerry Hall to humorists Rhona Cameron and Jenny Eclair.

For the Spring 2003 tour, television actresses Anita Dobson, Lisa Faulkner and Adjoa Andoh are in the spotlight, sat in front of the giant, neon-lit V sign that is on its way to becoming as famous as that of the French-mocking English archers, Harvey Smith and Churchill.

If you excuse the pun, all comers are welcome but not surprisingly, women dominate the audience, sparse on a Bank Holiday Monday, and initially reserved and slow to warm up in that British way in matters of sex.

The performers may have been in cocktail dresses - three little black numbers on stools, like those girl groups of the Sixties - and they may have kicked off their heels, with a line of abandoned shoes and boots at the stage apron to add to the allure of their bare feet. However, they found it difficult to bridge the gap between player and observer, to turn monologue into dialogue, a distance not helped by the trio using notes that enhanced the somewhat academic air of Ensler's script.

There was a hard American edge, too, that rubbed against the grain of British humour on matters of sex. We laugh more at our inadequacies and, indeed, one of the biggest laughs comes in Anita Dobson's extemporisation on different types of orgasm, the typical British one being silent. Yet here is a show that celebrates female sexual expression and at one moment reclaims the "c-word". It seems forced, but Lisa Faulkner does her best to get excited.

Based on intimate interviews with 200 women of all ages and cultural backgrounds, The Vagina Monologues balances the humorous with the serious, from self-amusement to abuse and rape in Bosnia, lesbian liberation to birth. For some it will hit the G spot; if uptight, don't bother coming.

Box office: 0113 222622

Updated: 11:34 Tuesday, May 27, 2003