I WAS listening to the radio when a straight banana flew out at me.

This happened thanks to one of those over-heated letters so often read out on Radio Four's PM programme, the writers of which frequently appear to suffer from PMT.

This variant, known as PM-tension, brings people out in a nasty rash of hot-headed words. In this case, a furnace-breathed victim of this complaint was joining in the debate on the proposed new European constitut-ion by saying: "Why should we take this from straight banana land?"

It is amazing how many euro-myths concern fruit and veg. We've also had straight cucumbers and unbending rhubarb, and I remember a square tomato somewhere along the way.

These contorted fruit and vegetables have no connection with reality, yet have still achieved the status of urban myth. They are held in the air and waved about by Europe-haters everywhere, usually after being paraded in one of the Euro-sceptic newspapers. By strict adherence to the rules of reporting such colourful non-stories, the word "crackpot" is usually dragged into service.

Alongside the straight bananas, there have also been pop-eyed reports on the banning of corgis, the ending of the truckers' fry-up breakfast, an EU insistence that pigs be provided with toys and the demise of the standard British loaf.

You do not need to use your own standard British loaf to realise such stories are nonsense. Never mind straight bananas - how about a straight word from the Eurosceptic newspapers? Sadly, bananas are all that is on their menu.

From reading many of the scare stories about the draft of the constitution for Europe, it would be easy to conclude Britain was about to be mugged and pushed down a Paris lift-shaft, before being buried in concrete under the Champs-Elyses.

The coverage in newspapers owned by Conrad Black, Rupert Murdoch and Lord Rothermere has been ridiculously over-heated. So, how refreshing it was to hear Peter Hain, the Welsh Secretary, accusing the Eurosceptics of running a campaign of "hype, fantasy, scare-mongering and downright lies".

The trouble was, hardly had these sensible words fallen from Mr Hain's lips, than he found himself in trouble with Downing Street. Once again, the spin-doctors twitched and a few honest words had to be fudged over.

Perhaps it is because I have just returned from my brother's wedding to a French woman, conducted in the suitably neutral territory of Wales, that I can't help feeling we need to be more European, not less.

Many of the reported fears about the way Europe is heading are either maliciously daft or simply not true. Certain newspapers, the usual suspects, are banging on about the need for a referendum on the constitution or the euro. In doing so, they are making a self-seeking racket, with backing vocals from the ever-opportunistic Conservative Party.

I am not yet fully certain about the euro, but lean towards acceptance. I have used the currency in France and it seems fine. Should we have it here? Well, I'd love to hear an intelligent debate to sort that one out. But, sadly, all you get is the usual drum-banging din. How can anyone make up their mind over such a cacophony?

The Government hardly helps untangle matters. While Tony Blair mumbles his enthusiasm for the euro, his Chancellor clings to his ankles in a no-you-don't rugby tackle. As for Gordon Brown's infinitely-flexible five economic tests for entry to the euro, does anyone in Britain have a clue what he is on about?

Updated: 10:40 Thursday, May 29, 2003