A PECULIARITY of Parliament is life goes on, no matter what is happening in the real world. Tony Blair and Geoff Hoon, who is proving a surprisingly safe pair of hands for the Prime Minister, have turned up to make statements on the bloody war in Iraq.

But for the most part MPs have ploughed on with debates, Ten Minute Rule Bills, Early Day Motions and the like. So, while bombs were raining down on a Baghdad market place, Westminster was discussing waiting times for hearing tests in Southampton. Allied troops fighting to the death in desert towns? We had an adjournment debate on the Green Belt in East Hertfordshire.

The wheels of democracy must keep turning - but MPs recognise the perversity of the situation.

Hence the guilt on the face of one Tory MP who prepared to make a speech during the Government's Licensing Bill - which meets the infamous pledge to introduce 24-hour boozing but also poses a threat to birthday parties, Morris Dancing and other harmless events.

He said: "Deliberating on the liberalisation of the licensing laws while our troops are in combat in a foreign war could seem frivolous to some people looking in from the outside. I certainly paused for thought before considering trying to catch your eye, Mr. Deputy Speaker."

But he continued regardless - "however serious the events unfolding in the Gulf may be, the work of Parliament must continue and this Bill has profound implications for the everyday lives of thousands of my constituents" - and soon MPs were eager to take part. It turned out to be informative.

For example, I learnt the minimum size of the meal a 16 or 17-year-old accompanied by an adult must consume if he or she wishes to drink alcohol (but not of spirit strength) in a pub. This, according to case law, is "a substantial sandwich accompanied by pickles and beetroot".

I discovered Internet cafes may be forced to apply for costly entertainment licenses, but schools would not have to do so to put on nativity plays.

One MP was pleased to discover Scottish country dancing clubs which are based in England will be spared, too. But there was a sting in the tail as Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell confirmed the news. She agreed that while the dancers themselves may find it fun, others would consider the activity "purgatory".

I also heard, for the first time, a wonderful quote from Thomas Burke. This came courtesy of Selby's John Grogan, who read a passage from a 1940s book called English Night Life. It went: "Nightlife, nightbird, nightclub. There is something about the word "night" as about the word "Paris" that sends through some Englishmen a shiver of misgiving, and through another type a current of undue delight.

"The latter never get over the excitement of sitting up late, the others see any happening after midnight, even a game of Snakes and Ladders, as something verging on the unholy, as though Satan were never abroad in sunlight.

"A club they can tolerate, call it a nightclub and they see it as the ante room to Hell. This attitude to entertainment after dark is held by most officials. Whenever they hear of some new development of nightlife they get a prickling of the thumbs and give the impression that they would be happier if the Universe had so contrived its system as to give the whole globe perpetual day."

Thoughts inevitably returned to war though, as a Labour MP reminded us why our draconian drinking laws had been passed in the first place - to stop "exuberant and anti-social" munition workers turning up for work drunk during the First World War.

Updated: 10:27 Friday, March 28, 2003