Firstly, I apologise for exploring such a trivial subject when our country is at war. But a little light relief is surely not to be sniffed at.

According to researchers, women begin flirting with men as soon as they meet them. And they do it - hair tossing, eyelash fluttering, even touching - as a test to decide whether he is worth pursuing. It makes things difficult for fellas, who home in on what are probably false signals.

Now I don't know how much truth there is in this. I have certainly never put a man through any such tests. My hair is like a giant ball of frizz.

If I tried to toss it I might dislocate my neck. I believe that, up to middle age, women go through five stages of flirting:

14-17: Smitten schoolgirls who check out boys using the Princess Diana eyes down, coy approach. "Is he looking over?" they ask their friends. I know I did. At that age I was obsessed with one boy and if he so much as glanced in my direction I'd look at the floor, go a bright shade of purple and kid myself that marriage was on the cards.

18-24:This is perhaps the closest women come to real flirting. When the

competition is stiff and you feel that you really do have to make some sort of effort to show that you are interested. Loads of mascara-laden eye contact, heaps of giggling and tons of hair twiddling. I don't think many women use hair tossing - those that do tend to be super-confident and rather horrible. I also hate them because they always have long, silky smooth tresses, the complete opposite of mine.

25-30: Women are likely to be settling down during this period. If so, the need to flirt isn't quite as pressing. However, in the company of certain chaps we still like to crack jokes and flash smiles. Our body language is not so awkward as we tend to be more relaxed and confident in the company of the opposite sex. Those who haven't settled down might make a bit more of a play for their target and deliberately engineer 'chance' meetings.

31-35: Here, by and large, women tend to give up on flirting. We really can't be bothered. Either men like us or they don't. We become more matter of fact and if we like a man and think the feeling is mutual we would be more inclined to ask them round for a coffee than waste time flirting. For those of us with children, eyelash fluttering tends to give way to socket rubbing after too many disturbed nights and giggling gives way to hysterical shrieking.

36-40+: Mid-life crises bring a renewed interest in men - only we know we can't really have them (well, most of us can't, although there are a lucky few who manage to pick up toy boys half their age, usually on holiday in North Africa). This is the best time for flirting. Because, generally speaking, we are usually stuck in long-term relationships, we no longer look our best - yellowing teeth, wrinkles - and we know we have absolutely no chance. So it doesn't make any difference what we say or do. We can take men by the arm, buy them drinks, invite them home, laugh, giggle and have fun with them in the full knowledge that none of it will be taken seriously.

Being only 42, I'm unable to comment further, but no doubt there will be another phase before I'm 50 - you never know it might involve North Africa.

Updated: 10:21 Monday, March 24, 2003