Dear Mr Administrator,

I am writing to you about the possibility of me saving York City.

The football club's plight has touched me deeply. I feel desperately sad at the current situation that the grand bold men of York find themselves in. It's no use any longer. Now I feel convinced, nay compelled, to come to the club's rescue.

Football is in my blood - if you cut me, do I not bleed red - and I am steeped in the traditions of the dear old club.

Long are the hours I have spent following the fluctuating fortunes of the Cityites as they are affectionately known across this land. Indeed, anyone who knows me would say that York's Boothill Boulevard arena is virtually my home from home. I'm never away from there and I do especially like my walks down Growsnomore Terrace, where those awfully attractive houses have recently been built.

I love the distinct atmosphere of the place on match day - the sights, the sounds, the smells. It reminds me so much of that other club I support - Manchestering United, whom I started to follow after Liverpudlia went into decline. Those Scouse scallies were, of course, my first choice club after I got fed up with Leeds Union once Donald Revie left, though the Leeds lads could never be a match for Tottenham Hotsforyou in the swinging 1960s.

But back to the Boulevard down Boothill way.

The only thing I'm not that sure about are those funny hands above the entrance. That chequer-board design reminds me too much of her majesty's constabulary. You would almost expect a pair of handcuffs to be wrapped around those wrists.

But that's only a minor quibble. Now as I survey the club I want to be the one to free it of its constricting cash crisis and I have the wherewithal to do that.

Not only do I have a full to bursting piggy-bank on my bedside table along with all my Jeffrey Archer books - what a...writer. But I also have a bank account bulging with the folding stuff after several successful decades as a property dealer, business speculator and, entrepreneur.

My holding company - M T Promises - is a blue-chip, red-letter, green-for-go, in the black, rainbow-finding investment icon, which, in tandem with my offshore business - FAN T C Deals - has taken the commercial world by storm.

Both would provide the perfect financial muscle for York City. Together they would spell - success - though my closest associates insist that they truly spell M T FAN T C.

Whatever, it affords me the chance of offering you the once-in-a-dream-time opportunity to accept my offer. And to give you ball-park figures then I am prepared to immediately shell out £10million for the ground, which should satisfy the landlords. I'll also fork out a further £2million for the football club, which should clear the current debts and provide a little more for a week's training in Malaga ahead of this Sunday's visit of Macclesfield.

Then, of course, there is the matter of the new ground, for which I am prepared to pay another £10million. The fact that I have shares in a construction company, Bodgeit, Bangit and Brickit, will smooth the way for the arena to go up in double-quick time.

But where should the new ground be? Well, I have done my homework and before finalising a meeting with your good self I have been viewing potential sites.

Top of my list is right in the heart of the city. Just alongside some big old church there is a great expanse of green, where there's ample room enough for a stadium. It would be a true venue of worship and we could then really be called the Minstermen.

Granted, parking places would be at a premium but, apart from the away team's coach and my car - a Roller for Saturday games, the Lamborghini for midweek matches - everyone else can use this park and ride scheme I am hearing so much about on my travels.

We could even switch our games to a Sunday - then I will arrive in the Ferrari, naturally - and kill two birds with one stone. Fans could go to church and then on to the match. There's no harm in getting the good Lord himself on your side, and I have had enough conversations with the good Lord himself to know that he too is a football fan.

So there you have it. A bid that is feasible, flexible and full of....sense,

Yours in anticipation,

Conner Merchant.

Updated: 10:33 Tuesday, January 28, 2003