I OUGHT to feel pity for Geoff Hoon. He takes orders from the man who takes orders from probably the dumbest man to ever take charge of the White House.

And that is a pretty low down, dirty job. But I am unable to rustle up any sympathy for Tony Blair's slavishly loyal Defence Secretary.

He is too infuriating and - at times - plain ridiculous to warrant it.

Harsh? Not when his shambolic handling of Son Of Star Wars is considered.

First he refused to discuss the issue of missile defence at all. There was no point talking about whether RAF Fylingdales would be handed over to the US since they had not asked for it, he reasoned - despite the fact NMD would not work without the radar base.

Then, after he made the inevitable announcement that the request had been received on December 17, he took less than a month to reach his decision. Even this week's revelation that he planned to say "yes" to George W. Bush's multi-billion pound project was a fiasco.

It was on the news wire by 5.30pm on Tuesday, but it was 1.30pm on Wednesday before he dragged himself to the Commons to tell MPs. So, with glee, I watched him take a battering from first these MPs, and then the Defence Select Committee that day.

Tory Defence spokesman Bernard Jenkin led the charge. Referring to Tuesday's leak on the wires, he complained: "Parliament seems to have been the last to know about this significant and controversial decision. The way this announcement has dribbled out is all too typical of the way this Government handles it."

Liberal Democrat defence spokesman Paul Keetch attacked the "astonishing" lack of consultation, which lasted just one month. Then Labour backbenchers got stuck in. Former Defence Minister Peter Kilfoyle accused Mr Hoon of "slavish devotion" to the US.

He described missile defence as a "crackpot notion foisted upon us by ideologues in Washington." Former Foreign Office Minister Tony Lloyd warned of a new arms race. And Malcolm Savidge and Alice Mahon said seven out of ten Brits were opposed to the idea. But it was later in the day, in front of Bruce George's defence committee, I particularly enjoyed.

The last time he gave evidence to the committee, one of the most respected at Westminster, he refused to confirm a great deal more than his name - earning a comparison with Geoffrey Boycott for the way he batted questions away.

Mr George got his own back, asking him why he had launched a consultation on missile defence last month, but couldn't wait for its findings.

"You have clearly made your mind up and now you are asking the rest of us," the chairman said.

Another committee member, Mike Hancock, asked Mr Hoon if - among the dozens of reasons he had given why the US should be given access to Fylingdales - he was aware of any negatives.

Increased risk of terrorist attack, perhaps? "My job is not to find fault with the decisions that I reach," said Mr Hoon - ever keen to give the public all the facts.

Mr Hancock tried again. So Mr Hoon replied: "I can think of objections, but I am not prepared to articulate them in public."

At this point, Mr George intervened again. Regardless of the negatives, could he really have said no to the US, given the Government's "special relationship" with the Bush administration?"

"I do believe it would have had a negative effect," said Mr Hoon, this time coming close to the truth of the matter. But, as usual, not quite getting there.

Updated: 11:51 Friday, January 17, 2003