TORY modernisers tried desperately hard in Bournemouth to widen the party's appeal.

They were - all at once - caring, compassionate, interested in single mothers and the homeless and gleamingly modern.

Yet, somehow, they ended up in a pickle on the seafront. As with most image changes, the problem did not lie with the new look itself. It was with carrying it off after the initial makeover.

The new conference layout caught the imagination (even if it did resemble the corporate slogan of collapsed energy giant Enron). The "videobox" and "chill out zone" did not prove as ridiculous as had been expected.

And, after 13 months of almost stony silence, there were even 25 new policies on show. But the Tory leader, Iain Duncan Smith, just did not appear comfortable at the helm.

He took on the appearance of an embarrassing uncle when trying to get down with The Kids. And all his talk about domestic violence and compassionate conservatism almost achieved the unthinkable - upsetting his party's most devoted band of rural followers.

The first grim moment came during a visit to a local youth club on Tuesday. He started proceedings by trying to sink a yellow ball on a pool table, only to pot the white instead.

Then he tried to be a trendy DJ by mixing it up on a record deck, before landing a smacker on 13-year-old Vicky Hopson. "He didn't smell nice," she said after he moved on.

If this was bad, Wednesday was a shambles. IDS was due to be the guest of honour at a country fair on the windswept seafront.

But, 40 minutes after his estimated time of arrival there was still no sign of the leader. Even the swing band were getting bored, particularly as "When IDS comes marching in" loses its appeal the fifth time round. Amid rows of chutney stalls, the guitarist asked: "What does he look like, anyway?" The brass section shrugged.

By this stage the North Somerset Ferret Welfare society were not happy - pointing out that four days into the conference rural issues had hardly warranted a mention. If his party is so keen on helping the vulnerable, where was its policy on the plight of retired ferrets?, they asked.

Eventually IDS and his wife, Betsy, did appear. But no one had thought to sort out a microphone, so the gathered crowds could not hear a word he was

saying. The sentence which was audible went something like this: "The various diverse craftsmen here demonstrate the vibrancy of the countryside which the Government does not understand, and if it does it hates and wants to abolish it."

As he left, a stand to his right wafted tempting smells from a traditional hog roast. Had he ventured closer, IDS would have picked up tips from the owners on how to dispose of pigs' ears.

Getting rid of - rather than making - them is something that could come in handy in the future.

In fairness to IDS, his closing speech on Thursday hit most of the right notes and his party has emerged largely unscathed from a week they were absolutely dreading.

Policies such as extending the council house "right to buy" scheme to housing association properties managed to boot love cheat John Major off the front pages and his chairman, Theresa May, may have emerged as genuine star after a confrontational speech on Monday.

But the overall mood was best summed up by a delegate standing next to one of the many posters advertising "forthcoming attractions" inside the conference centre.

Reading the words 'Ray Davies in concert, October 16', he said: "Look. They get Ray Davies - all we get is David Davis."

Updated: 10:25 Friday, October 11, 2002