Milestone munch

MENTION Graeme Robertson's name to any North Yorkshire tearoom proprietor and you'll set their cup and saucer all of a-rattle. In the high court of caf criticism, Graeme is the Lord Chamberlain, and his verdicts are avidly anticipated by customers and patrons alike.

This week, he notched up his 250th review. He had no difficulty in choosing a caf to celebrate the milestone: he returned to Penny's in Feasegate, York, venue of both his first and his 100th review.

Nevertheless, the staff at Penny's did not know he was coming. Visits by Graeme, always accompanied by wife Ann, are strictly incognito; that is why we have protected their identities in our photograph.

He admits there have been moments when his cover has almost been blown. "We were having a snack once when a group of about 20 people we normally go walking with went past the window. They indicated they knew what we were doing..."

Graeme and Ann have drunk 236 cups of tea and 64 cups of coffee in the line of duty since the column began in 1995.

It was all Graeme's idea. He noticed many eating places were not covered by our team of restaurant critics, and volunteered to fill the gap.

The first review appeared in the now defunct Evening Press supplement Friends, and was moved to its regular slot in the Saturday paper in September 1996. He has reviewed 225 different venues, revisiting some of them after a refurbishment or management takeover.

"We have been to some interesting places. Some that we would never go back to, but we are not prepared to tell you which ones," he laughs.

He has suffered a few long waits and order mix-ups.

"The one we liked best was the A-board which said 'Sumptuous Afternoon Tea'. When it came, it was tea and a plate of four biscuits.

"We sent it back, and eventually they returned with sandwiches, cake and the biscuits. Since then, the A-board has disappeared."

The most disastrous, he said, was a caf where there was "one person doing everything. The chef had gone to the cash and carry.

"Whatever Ann asked for, she didn't get. She finally asked for a toasted teacake. Ten minutes later the waitress came back and said, 'I'm sorry, we only had one toasted teacake and I've burnt it'."

So what does Graeme look for in a caf? "We look for the welcome. Then we look for cleanliness, value and unusual items on the menu."

There is more choice out there than you might imagine, from varied vegetarian options, through to Greek lunches.

Among their favourites cafs are Penny's, Harlequins in Kings Square, York, R&R in Hemingbrough and Bullivant's in Blake Street, York.

They were very impressed by the staff's attentiveness when they were evacuated from Betty's in York after a fire alarm went off. When they got back in, everyone was given their order fresh over.

For those caf owners yet to receive a visit, be warned. Graeme and Ann admit to pet hates. "We don't like tepid soup," said Graeme. "Serviettes presented under tea cakes or cream cakes on plates are a definite no-no.

"We don't mind music, as long as it's the right sort. Matt Monro in the Assembly Rooms doesn't really go down well. And they played My Fair Lady in an Italian restaurant."

But a table decoration featuring fresh flowers is a pleasing touch, he said.

After 250 reviews, aren't they running out of places to visit? Not at all, says Graeme, who gives talks on his caf experiences under the title Milk But No Sugar. Friends "all over the place" are constantly coming up with suggestions.

"It's incredible. Ann has just been to the hairdresser's, and she came back with two more."

Looks like Penny's will be enjoying another visit for their 500th review.

Updated: 08:40 Saturday, August 03, 2002