THERE might once have been a sillier, more inconsequential political story than that making an empty-vessel noise over Tony Blair and the Queen Mother's funeral, but I doubt it.

Readers of certain newspapers have been presented with a shocking version of events following what seems to be nothing more than a boring confusion over protocol. Thanks to a report in a minority-interest right-wing magazine, the non-story that Mr Blair tried "to muscle in on the period of mourning" has been taken up by other newspapers and has dominated less partisan sections of the media.

From all the fuss in certain pop-eyed newspapers, you might have thought Tony Blair had pushed the Queen out of the way and jumped on top of the coffin. Add to this all the repeated references to Black Rod, and we seem to have slipped back to a lost age of fusty old rules and frilly-fringed officialdom.

If nothing else, this episode has shown how political events can gather momentum and clatter downhill, even if there is precious little to report.

In the over-heated Westminster hot-house, rumour sprouts rumour in rapid motion, rather like those speeded-up films used in time-lapse photography. The acorn of doubt sprouts to a sapling in a blink; two blinks see it turn into a whopping great oak of nothingness.

To end all this nonsense, the Government issued an extensive - and deeply prosaic - account of how Number 10 behaved after the Queen Mother died. Nothing shocking was listed, just the dullness of duty.

That should have ended it, except that certain newspapers have grown irritable and waspish with Tony Blair. After reluctantly falling in line with New Labour, they have drifted and appointed themselves the true opposition, and are now heading into battle with their egos fluttering in the wind.

Tony Blair is partly to blame for all this, in allowing his Government to become too associated with spin, and for trying to play the newspapers at their own low game, even taking the unwise and vain decision to lodge a complaint with the Press Complaints Commission.

But all the rest is just nonsense and a distraction from a plethora of reasons to question the Government, from transport and the health service to alarming plans to allow official bodies to spy on our emails (thankfully just dropped, hopefully for good). All of these, and plenty more besides, are reasons to criticise.

All this nonsense about the Queen Mother's funeral just helps to shore up the dangerous notion that politics and politicians aren't worth bothering with.

OH, what trying times to be a republican-minded football sceptic who wouldn't mind never seeing David Beckham's hair again, or any mention ever of Sir Paul McCartney, come to that.

Yet for all such doubts, and despite a surfeit of anything and everything Royal thank you very much, the past few weeks have been happy. The Golden Jubilee, dreaded by some of us, was cheerful enough, and now it has mostly gone, for which thanks may be given.

As for the World Cup, it touches absurdity to hear that David Beckham's hairdresser has been flown out to Japan to sort out the midfielder's wayward Mohican hairstyle, but at least all this football engenders a holiday atmosphere and gives people something to talk about, even if there are those among us who haven't a clue what they are on about.

However, even amid all this evident good humour another sighting of Paul McCartney's smug features may just push some of us over the edge.

But in the spirit of harmony, and in line with the football obsession of the moment, here is my informed prediction for tomorrow's big match between England and Brazil: one or other will win.

Updated: 11:35 Thursday, June 20, 2002