Q My husband and I have recently split up and I am very worried about our 13-year-old daughter who seems increasingly withdrawn. She hasn't seen her father for several weeks and I am unsure how to handle this situation.

A Parenting can be difficult at the best of times and dealing with a situation like this must be very challenging. You must manage your own feelings as well as worrying about your daughter. The breakdown of your relationship and loss of contact with her father must be extremely upsetting for your daughter.

Firstly, is she talking to anyone, particularly a supportive adult? Make sure she has the opportunity to talk, look out for signs - she may hang around you aimlessly or may want to talk at bed-time.

It is reassuring to continue the patterns of family life but you may want to build in some flexibility and if she wishes to talk at bed-time take this into account.

Don't push her to talk, respect her privacy but make sure you are around should she need to. She may have outbursts of anger which you may find difficult to deal with; acknowledge her anger and allow her to feel it is okay to feel angry in this situation.

It is very important she knows that this is not her fault. Many young people feel that they are somehow to blame for what has happened and you should make it clear that this is not the case.

You are obviously aware of your daughter's needs and this is definitely a step in the right direction. Good luck

Updated: 09:15 Monday, June 17, 2002