HONEST labelling. That's what the Consumer's Association is calling for in a bid to stop food companies sticking misleading and dishonest information on products.

Findings by Which? Magazine revealed a number of less-than-honest labels, including a "crab" paste which contained only 11 per cent crab, cranberry juice that was just 7.5 per cent "cranberries", and a "sausage meat" stuffing made with dried turkey.

Now the Consumer's Association is examining dozens of brands as part of its Honest Labelling campaign to encourage the food industry to clean up its act.

I'm all for it, and it got me thinking - in what other areas could we benefit from a bit more honest information?

Men, that's where. If this can be applied to our groceries, why not our blokes?

Because, when you go out with a man, you really don't know what you're getting.

He may be good looking, he may dress to your liking, he may be kind and considerate with a good sense of humour.

But what he doesn't tell you - and what you don't find out until you buy a flat together - is that he's a founder member of the Jordan's Bust Appreciation Society.

Or you may discover that his idea of a good time is to phone for a pizza and sit up until the early hours watching Robot Wars videos.

It gets worse the older you are. As the years fly by, the more baggage people carry around and the more hazardous dating becomes.

How many relationships have people had? How many children? If he's over 35, the role of girlfriend may well involve stints as step-mum.

That longed-for romantic afternoon stroll by the river may well turn out to be a day at a theme park trying not to be sick as you take the front seat with your boyfriend's children on a ride called something like Hellevetor: the lift of nightmares.

Personal labels would work in the same way as barcodes. A quick scan of a microchip implanted in the skin - pretty much like a pet's ID chip - and you could glean a wealth of information.

You would be able to find out exactly how many Lara Croft games he owns, how many children he has, how much he earns, and how many times he visits the gym.

The information would be very detailed, down to how much he spends on male grooming products, how often he talks about himself and whether he leaves the toilet seat up.

Of course a lot of it would depend on honesty in the first place. But then, if you found out that someone hadn't come clean, you wouldn't want him anyway.

And, to be fair, if a scheme like this was going to work, women would have to spill the beans too. We would have to tell the truth about those less-than-satisfactory relationships we'd had in the past (the ones where we were dumped) and reveal how much of our monthly budget goes on takeaways, video rental, and outrageously expensive anti-wrinkle creams.

On second thoughts, that's a bit scary. I for one probably wouldn't get any dates and would end up taking the crab paste route: "Gorgeous redhead pursued by many admirers, fabulous social life, eats at the best restaurants, occasionally uses a spot of Nivea...

Updated: 10:33 Monday, April 22, 2002