CROWDS on their way to the Minstermen's game against Oxford at Bootham Crescent gawped in awe last Saturday as this white stretch limo gingerly body-swerved parked cars in the narrow streets near the ground.

Rumours spread that York had signed Rivaldo of Barcelona and he was giving his new team-mates the once-over.

Turns out it was a wedding party, albeit a posh wedding.

Don't be surprised if David Beckham doesn't make an appearance at the Bootham field of dreams in his Robin Reliant.

STRANGE goings on at Kirkbymoorside. Two litre plastic milk cartons are sprouting up all over the place.

They were spotted some time ago on a grass verge and they contain varying amounts of water. They are of special interest to those of a more surrealist disposition and have caused much intrigue. Monitoring has occurred on an ad hoc basis over several months and the situation now appears to be developing.

Carton-spotter Carla offers this news from the Milk Bottle Observation Project.

"Latest count was 15, before that 14 and one blown over, before that 16. I don't know what's happening there. But I'm convinced there should be a punishment for bad taste, because the daffodils on that patch are much less advanced than their neighbours and some of them look rather poorly. I'll keep watching! Amazingly one of the cartons bears the legend: "Best before May 1984".

I challenge the carton caper perpetrator to step forward and be recognised.

WOLF has asked me to tell regular visitors to his yorkatt.com website that, unfortunately, it cannot be updated this week.

The reason? His computer has contracted an April Fool's Day virus. An e-mail with an attachment purporting to come from Microsoft promised to update his computer against viruses. It turned out to be a worm virus in disguise and now his machine is down at the repair shop.

"I certainly fell for this one," Wolf tells me. "Usually I am really careful about opening e-mail attachments but this looked like a genuine 'anti-virus update'. It really did fool me. Now it's going to cost me £50 to get the damn thing sorted out!"

You know what they say about an April Fool and his money... you have been warned!

HOW'S this for cheeky beggars? There I was standing outside Lakeland in York's Petergate pondering whether to fritter away £1.65 on one those gizmos that juliennes carrots and having a crafty fag.

A scruffy bloke with a haversack approached. He was rolling a fag.

"Giz a fag mate," he whined.

I told him to go forth and multiply, adding: "Begging is an art form. Don't expect a free fag when you're in the middle of doing a rolly."

He shuffled off muttering doubts about my lineage. I should have asked him for a rolly...

THE state of morals in the once-genteel North Yorkshire town of Harrogate are giving me some concern.

Now the spa town - formerly best known for leisurely teas at Bettys - is the home of new 'leisure centres' known colloquially as lap dancing bars.

It now appears the proliferation of suspect activities has moved beyond the increasingly racy town centre, according to a sign I spotted on Wetherby Road near Harrogate Town's ground.

"Having an affair?" it asked, before inquiring of passers-by whether they had considered using a nearby venue for the aforementioned activity.

While applauding the openness and honesty of the sign writer, is this the sort of shameless display we expect from our snooty near neighbours just along the A59?

MORE than 100 farmers met in Harrogate to chew over the "lessons learned" from the foot and mouth disease inquiry and it truly was mixture of tragedy and comedy.

One female Dales farmer told of suffering the full weight of DEFRA's might when they searched her home and served a D-notice - which prevents the movement of animals - only to find the only creature she owned was a colourful parrot.

Another farmer said the slaughtermen were inept.

They went into a field to slaughter a lone four-year-old bull only for it to make a bid for freedom through the empty gate.

"I could've told that lad he would struggle to shoot a charging bull," said the farmer.

THE new craze is for companies to have their own songs to inspire and motivate the workforce.

The Today Programme on Radio Four announced that the songs (which were once private to the companies) are now available to a wider audience thanks to a new London-based website that is proving to be a hit across the country.

To be inspired, check out the website: www.zdnet.co.uk/specials/2002/it-anthems

Meanwhile here are a few songs that might get your workforce going:

Nestl chocolate factory - Sweets For My Sweet by The Drifters

Fire brigade - Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by The Platters

Police force - Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting by Elton John

York City Football Club - High Hopes by Frank Sinatra

Full Sutton Prison - We've Gotta Get Out Of This Place by The Animals

The railways - Tracks Of My Tears by Smokie Robinson

Any more? Over to you.

THE speed at which newspapers operate is awesome - even as I bash this out someone is pouring cold water over me to ease the friction of my flying fingers - so mistakes happen from time to time. This came from a newspaper down souff... it must have broken the poor editor's heart to sanction this correction.

Mistakes happen every day in every business. But because of the nature of the newspaper industry when we make them their repercussions can be devastating for those involved.

And so it was with a news agency report we carried on November 1 about the tragic death of a young woman from a flesh-eating bug. M B sadly died days after contracting the disease. The news agency report, published by us in good faith, contained a number of errors which, understandably, left M's family very upset.

To put the record straight, we'd like to point out that M did not go to her doctor complaining of a spot on her leg and she was not prescribed painkillers. She did not return to her GP for a second visit, nor was she taken into hospital on October 26. She was not rushed into emergency surgery and her death was not due to massive organ failure.

Furthermore, her father is aged 45 not 52 as stated, her mother is 46, not 50, and her sister is 26, not 27. M was not taken to hospital by her parents, nor did they contact her partner, he, in fact, contacted them to inquire about her condition. We apologise for the distress caused.

Defining moment

Let me make it crystal clear that any privatisation of the railway system which there is on the arrival of a Labour government will be quickly and effectively returned to public ownership.

Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott in 1993

Updated: 09:14 Saturday, April 06, 2002