What a match

Janet was there doing research for the hospice's own fair, held recently at Hazlewood Castle near Tadcaster.

They hit it off so well an engagement was soon arranged - a cricket match, actually.

James is secretary of the Yorkshire County Disabled Cricketers Association, and proposed to Janet that he set up a special match at Headingley in aid of all the ten Yorkshire hospices, and for McMillan Cancer Care.

The date has now been arranged for September 8, when The Yorkshire Terriers, the county's disabled cricket team managed by James, will slog it out against a team from YTV's Emmerdale.

All proceeds of the day will be shared between the charities. Details will be available from St Leonard's Hospice later this year.

For the record Janet is happily married and to suggest otherwise wouldn't be cricket...

- MEANWHILE on the real wedding front...

The tradition of a bride and groom being apart the night before the big day, having a wedding night together then heading off on honeymoon dates back long before I was carrying out daylight robberies on the highway.

And speaking of daylight robberies, an inquiry by a bride-to-be to York's Dean Court Hotel about hiring the honeymoon suite for one night - a Friday in April - met with a surprise response.

"It is available on that date, but sorry we only book it out for two nights," said the receptionist.

When the will-be wife explained she only needed it for one night - her wedding night - she was told all hotel rooms were only available for two nights during the weekend.

Pushed further, the receptionist relented and offered a 'superior double' for the wedding night for £150.

Disappointed, our not-so-merry maiden rang the Royal York Hotel. It didn't have a honeymoon suite but could offer one of the best rooms in the hotel with a lovely Minster view for £188 - and, best of all, for one night only.

It's not hard to guess which hotel got the booking.

- FOOTBALL-mad York teacher Dave Brown featured on BBC1 comedy panel quiz They Think It's All Over last Saturday because of his resemblance to Gary Lineker - in the lugs department.

Dave appeared in the Evening Press after arranging a game of football on the morning of his wedding.

His wife Sarah said she fell for him because of his big ears like her hero - Lineker. A picture of the couple featured on the hit show and host Nick Hancock quipped: "We apologise for any TV interference in the York area."

Ear! Leave it out Nick, or you'll get a frosty reception is this beautiful city.

- IF you want to go up in the world of acting get... a box. No, not a cricketer's box. Just a box.

That's what York's Dame Judi Dench does when she stars as spymaster M opposite Pierce Brosnan in the James Bond save-the-world extravaganzas. She stands on a box so as not to be dwarfed by hunky chunk Bond.

Judi says: "What's so awful is that when I turn to walk out of the room, I forget I'm standing on a box and crash to the floor at Pierce's feet. Fortunately he always picks me up."

If she stood on her Oscar and all other awards she seems to win almost hourly, she would tower over most actors on the scene today.

- LET'S get this right... I was wrong! I apologise to all those who tried to work out the answer to my football question posed two weeks ago.

It was given to me in good faith along with the answer which was: all the clubs mentioned had, or could, extend and improve their present football grounds.

But woe and thrice woe... the question had outlived its "ask by" date by nearly two years.

Now for the good news!

It's a roll-over!

Instead of offering a lucky winner just five free CDs, I now invite you to answer this question for TEN free CDs. And just for a change it's about football. You've got to admire my tenacity, yes?

Name five English league clubs whose name starts and ends with the same letter.

Send your answers on a postcard, with your name address and daytime phone number, to Dick Turpin, Rollover Competition, PO Box 29, 76/86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN by next Thursday.

To the three entrants who tried to answer my 'duff question' I offer my profound apologies... but at least I'm big enough to own up. I'll never get a job at the Department of Transport.

Tears are coursing down the ash on my face to the sackcloth I am swathed in as I write this, believe me.

- BIBLE readings must be rare in York schools judging by the latest barracking dished out to York City's much maligned chairman Douglas Craig.

The City supremo has been a target for abuse from the City faithful ever since his shock threat to close down the club and pocket the profits.

Even he, though, must have thought he was in for a rare night free from abuse at City reserves' clash with Lincoln City midweek - the sort of game that usually attracts one man and his very reluctant dog.

Unfortunately for Craig, it must have been a poor night on the television because a gang of knee-high kids chose to take their seats in the stand at Bootham Crescent.

With action on the pitch at a minimum, it didn't take long for their attention to wander.

Spotting the City chairman in his usual seat in the directors' box, the youngsters decided to vent their 'fury'.

"Judas, Judas, Judas," came the less than convincing high-pitched screams until one youngster turned to his pal and asked: "What does Judas mean?"

"I don't know," came the reply. "Nor do I," said his pal.

Cue a long pause, a unified shrug of the shoulders, then another rousing chorus of "Judas, Judas, Judas..."

Suffer little children to chant unto me...

- A Malton man and his wife were having problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The following day he realised he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early morning business flight to America from Manchester Airport.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence - and lose - he wrote on a piece of paper: "Please wake me at 5am."

Next morning he woke up, to find it was 9am and he had missed his flight.

Spitting feathers, he was about to ask his wife why she hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

It read: "It is 5am. Wake up."

Moral: Men are not equipped for these sorts of contests

Updated: 10:33 Saturday, March 09, 2002