HAVE you seen the latest fashion craze sweeping the catwalks? Contemporary yet traditional, fun yet sombre, bold yet timid, an ensemble the critics are calling "dazzlingly staid": yes, welcome to the wonderful world of Blairwear!

It has come to something when the Prime Minister spends more time assembling a snazzy new wardrobe than running his Government. At least we now know where he's been for the past few weeks.

When our Tony should have been sacking Stephen Byers, he was actually gallivanting around London's trendy designer boutiques selecting outfits for his latest round of jet-setting. The result: a world sensation. Lanky supermodels tripping down the runways of Milan Fashion Week have been utterly overshadowed by the Blairwear phenomenon.

Tony launched his new collection in a blaze of publicity in Queensland, prior to the Commonwealth Heads of Government meeting. Word has it that President John Kufuor of Ghana had a Naomi Campbell-style tantrum when the photographers ignored his Dolce & Gabbana neckerchief in the rush to snap Blair.

Our saucy Premier shocked and delighted Commonwealth groupies by donning a £150 Paul Smith shirt in salmon pink at the weekend. Its cuffs conceal the image of a naked girl on the telephone (she is probably trying to get through to the rail inquiry bureau).

Thanks to such a spectacular show, he is now tipped to be voted the Best Dressed Man In Australia, considered the world's least impressive accolade.

Sycophants take note: please do not describe Mr Blair's look as "striking", as the word makes him shudder. The best compliment you can give him is: "you look like a million dollars" accompanied by a donation to match.

Readers will know I am something of an authority when it comes to fashion. My expertise is such that colleagues comment on my ability to "throw together" an outfit seemingly without thinking. "Dressed in the dark again today, did you?" they say with barely-concealed awe.

So the world has been waiting for my verdict on Mr Blair's transformation, and I can deliver it in one damning word. Derivative. When it comes to policies, our PM has often been accused of stealing the Tories' clothes. Well, now he's gone one step further and nicked their actual clobber.

This so-called new-look is nothing but a mix-and-match outfit cobbled together from the fashions of our last two Conservative Prime Ministers.

Perhaps aware of the dangers of walking into an Aussie bar in a pink shirt, Mr Blair has generally stuck to his favourite colour: Thatcherite true blue. Light blue shirt on Sunday morning; two-tone, open-necked blue job on Sunday evening; and stripy, surfer-style blue sweatshirt for a Monday night barbecue.

Note - no red; never red. Apparently if he wears the "socialist" colour against his skin, it brings him out in a rash (in Paul Smith pink, naturally).

Mr B has combined Maggie blue with those grey suits that so distinguished John Major's years in office. These come complete with generously deep pockets, designed to conceal the biggest business bung without ruining the line of the jacket.

In short, Mr Blair's fashions, like his politics, are entirely unoriginal. Give him his due, however: at least he's choosy in his selections. No Michael Foot donkey jackets, Ken Clarke Hush Puppies or Neil Kinnock ginger sideburns for our millennial man.

The Premier is bound to cash in on public interest by launching a High Street version of Blairwear. Look out for the innovative cut of his suit trousers; your tailor will never again need to ask if you dress to the left or the right. They are designed to accommodate the Third Way.

Updated: 10:29 Wednesday, March 06, 2002