THE man who won the nation's heart as cheeky chappie Reg Holdsworth, late of Coronation Street, looked decidedly dischuffed when York Theatre Royal panto star Berwick Kaler spotted him in the audience this week at a performance of Jack And The Beanstalk.

Actor Ken Morley played Reg as a lovable Jack The Lad in the Street but seemed to visibly shrink in the spotlight when our very own queen of panto dames persuaded him to stand up and take a bow.

It must surely be the first time Ken, who has been doing double glazing ads on telly recently, has backed into the spotlight.

He gave a few autographs to the panto-goers before disappearing behind a pillar.

Oh yes he did!

Seems you can't go anywhere these days without being accosted by some Geordie dame in frilly knickers.

- Helsinki, Monday, January 7: York mum sparks anthrax scare in Helsinki, Finland, shock horror... but not much terror.

The National Board of Patents and Registration of Finland was at the centre of a suspected anthrax attack. Mailroom workers intercepted an unidentified package believed to have arrived from New York. When the package was opened it was found to contain white material, sparking a major security scare. Several workers were rushed to a local clinic for testing.

The building was evacuated while police and security services checked for other signs of the killer substance. Within minutes the incident was being broadcast on national television and radio stations.

Calm has now been restored and the true picture has now emerged about what really happened.

While visiting York over Christmas, a worker of the patent office left his house keys and library book at his parents' home.

Only realising this once back in Helsinki, he asked his mother to post the items immediately but, in her rush, she forgot to write her son's name on the envelope. When the unidentified package arrived at the patent office, the York postmark aroused concern among the post room staff.

Being slightly smudged, it was mistaken for "New York" despite the stamps bearing the Queen's head.

Nerves were further rattled when fragments of white kitchen paper, wrapped around the keys to prevent them breaking through the envelope in transit, fell out.

Fortunately, no one suffered any ill effects from handling the kitchen paper, keys or book. Additionally, many Finns have recently become well acquainted with the geographical location of the city of York, England, and should not have any difficulty in future telling it apart from New York.

As for the whereabouts of the perpetrator of this crime, she is believed to be living in York still. Or perhaps New York...

How do I know this? Because Yorkie Simon Gunn told me all about it. It was his mum. And he is a patent office worker in Helsinki.

Helsinki, Finland

- Our cartoonist Wolf was nabbed by the boys in blue on Tuesday while driving along Lawrence Street in York.

His crime? Forgetting to put his seatbelt on. He tells me it was a 'fair cop' (and a dark one in the passenger seat) and he put his hands up to the misdemeanour immediately. Although it will cost him 30 quid he isn't bitter.

"They were only doing their job," Wolf told me, "and I was completely stupid not to have had the belt on.

"Mind you, when I was chatting to them I mentioned that the last time I'd been done for a traffic offence was in 1976, at which the older of the two replied: 'good grief! I was only six years old then!'

"I know that they always say you're getting on a bit when policemen look younger, but I think that shook me more than the fine," howled Wolf.

Wealth warning: York police are cracking down on seatbelt flouters and cyclists without lights. You have been warned.

- Being brunching, cosmopolitan socialites, last Sunday morning me and Baz the plumber went out to nosh, oddly enough, just days after he had also been fined for not wearing a seatbelt.

I was torn between ordering from the swish restaurant's breakfast and lunch menus, and finally asked the waitress to bring me a chicken sandwich and some scrambled eggs. She looked puzzled.

When she left, I asked Baz whether I'd just committed a faux pas?

"I don't think so," he laughed scratching his stubble, "I'm just wondering which one will come first..."

- TALKING of pompous hicks... the display advert from Bar 38 in our very useful winter edition of The York Pub Guide left me gulping for air.

The Coney Street upmarket watering hole describes itself as: "Socially receptive, responsive socially and socially responsible."

Is this pompous phrase some sort of slur-word test to check if you're pineapple chunk or not before being admitted?

Respond at your leisure.

- AMAZE your friends or cause gasps of wonder at cocktail parties with these stunning facts:

- The first couple to be shown in bed together on American TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

- Coca-Cola was originally green.

- Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

- The first novel ever written on a typewriter was Tom Sawyer.

- Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great monarch from history: spades - King David, hearts - Charlemagne, clubs - Alexander the Great, diamonds - Julius Caesar

- If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

- What occurs more often in December than any other month? Conception.

- What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All were invented by women.

- What is the only food that doesn't spoil? Honey.

- Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.

- In old English pubs, ale was ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'.

- Many years ago English tipplers had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. That's where we get "wet your whistle" from.

Defining moment

Dan Quayle, extending his hand to a woman during a Republican campaign stop: "I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?"

Woman: "I'm your Secret Service agent."

Updated: 09:06 Saturday, January 26, 2002