Pie high

All right, it's not a Royal Command Performance - but I can remember when Paul used to get stage fright when just opening his guitar case when they first blasted our lugs on rehearsal nights down at that mecca of music and mirth, the Waggon And Horses in Lawrence Street, York, last summer.

Paul, who now sweats less and loves the limelight more, took time out from munching a jar of mussels to grant me a world exclusive interview.

It cost me a couple of jars - pints, not mussels - and a bag of cheese 'n' onion crisps.

"I admit I was a bit nervous when we first kicked off, but now Flaming Pie is doing well," says Paul, who plays rhythm guitar to Dave's lead on melodious renditions of Elvis, The Everly Brothers and Shadows hits.

"Scarborough with the stars on Saturday night and the Cock And Bottle, York on Sunday night," he beamed. "Who knows? By next Wednesday we could be at the Hollywood Bowl."

To bring Paul back down to earth, I muttered the word: "Bollards."

He went white and wailed: "Yah not gonna bring that up again in the paper are you?"

Me? Mention the fact that Paul's First York single-deck bus was impaled by the infamous rising bollard of Stonebow?

No way, Paul, no way!

Manchester's own 'mister motivator', Richard O'Neill, claims to know a thing or two about achieving success against the odds. He is urging York City supporters to keep believing they can keep the club in the league.

The 39-year-old claims to have scored numerous successes with individuals and teams since his first professional involvement in the sport more than four years ago. He says: "Many people in business and sport have proven that what was previously thought impossible is often achievable if you want it enough."

And he is backing the campaign to keep York City in the league.

You can call Richard - a counsellor, and clinical hypnotherapist specialising in working with men - on 0771 981 6207. He also teaches martial arts... so he may be the man for City.

Matty Graham's New Year's Eve was ruined after he was dealt a sucker punch during a beer-fuelled bash.

Sports teacher Matty, from Malvern Avenue, Acomb, was playing a drunken game with his pal Ben Collins, where you stick the palm of your hand in front of your face and the other person punches it to make it look to people behind you that you've been whacked.

But Ben, from Poppleton Road, was quite the worse for wear and clocked Matty in the eye, giving him the biggest bruiser I've ever seen. Blood from his nose went everywhere and he had to be taken home by his girlfriend.

Between howls of laughter, Ben was very apologetic. They remain friends... just.

Ironically, the year previous Ben's eye had been quite badly damaged when someone threw a carrot and the pointy end struck his eye. Talk about carrots being good for your eyesight.

Matty, 26, says: "I couldn't believe it. I hit the deck like a sack of spuds - there was blood everywhere. I was in a lot of pain and had to go home.

"Ben has phoned me up to apologise - maybe he was getting revenge for the carrot incident!"

From the Daily Telegraph, Wednesday January 9...

For the first time, courtiers, friends and politicians reveal details of the Queen's private relationship with her prime ministers - and talk about her extraordinary dedication - By Graham Turner:

"If she is landed with a bizarre engagement on a state visit abroad, as she was in Italy in 2000, she will murmur behind her hand: "Why am I here?" and, when an aide explains that the Italian government thought it a good idea, she will say "yuk!" If the event is merely mind-bogglingly boring, her ennui boredom remains unspoken.

"In York 18 months ago, I saw her standing stolidly in a marquee, watching youngsters give an unimaginably tedious and inept display of mime while the rain poured down outside. In Sydney a few months earlier, again in pouring rain, I watched her greeting the assembled leadership of Australia with the same unhurried charm, the same melting smile that made Lord Charteris, her favourite private secretary, go weak at the knees when they first met. It might have been one of her last waltzes with the people of Matilda, but you would never have guessed it."

Josie and Darren, from Acomb in York, decided to spend Christmas in New York.

After a great holiday, they - and everybody else on the flight - were subjected to the rigorous checks now in place at airports after the terrorist atrocities of September 11.

They had to take off their shoes and belts to be inspected, all of which were placed in a drum which was scanned separately.

Josie was putting her shoes back on when she realised her husband, known inexplicably as Fish, was no longer behind right behind her.

Fish is known for not wearing underwear. Josie looked round to see him standing in the airport with his trousers round his ankles, saying: "I hope you're not getting rubber gloves out."

Thankfully, not only did he have something on underneath on this occasion, but they were clean and in a good state of repair.

Fish was in this state of undress because the airport staff were puzzled as to how he was still setting off the metal detector.

All was revealed when he removed the £20 note from his pocket that was to pay for the taxi when they arrived back in England. Even the small amount of metal in a £20 is enough to trigger sensitive airport security alarms these jumpy days.

Just before Christmas, I mentioned how my pal Bob had a hellish time late-night shopping in Tesco at Clifton Moor, York.

He complained of unhelpful staff, warehouse trolleys stacked with goods in the shopping aisles and the fact that much of the stuff he wanted to buy was not available.

It struck a chord with one of the superstore's workers, who cleaves to anonymity presumably to cleave to her job. This is what she wrote:

"After reading your comments about unhelpful Tesco night staff, I was so incensed I had to contact you. I work at Tesco Clifton Moor, York

"Fact: At Christmas we have three times as much work to do.

"Fact: At Christmas, we have six times as many customers to deal with.

"Fact: We have the same number of hours to do our jobs.

"Fact: It is not our fault that items are out of stock.

"Fact: We are over worked, understaffed and underpaid, especially at this time of year.

"But hey, Tesco did make a billion profit last year.

"Now you know how!"

Updated: 13:53 Saturday, January 12, 2002