HERE'S a poser for those of you still struggling to overcome what doctors call "New Year thick head". Which way to go? These signs must baffle visitors to Strensall who are searching for its neighbours, Haxby and Wigginton.

Christine Price, who has lived in Strensall for 19 years, drew Turpin's attention to the doubled-up directions.

"Is it January or April 1 - or is this sign just to fool us?" she asks.

So, Christine, which way is it?

"You can get to Haxby and Wigginton both ways," she says, just to confuse things further. "But going right is quicker."

It seems all roads lead not to Rome, but to Haxby and Wigginton...

Evening Press news-monkey Nick Hallissey says he's clear on his New Year's resolution: never to go near a moped again.

Nick, who was our man in Greece watching the farcical arrest of York plane spotter Andy Jenkins, ended up having to hire a clunky old Vespa to get himself to Kalamata for Andy's second court hearing.

Sadly, he hadn't clocked that between him and Kalamata were three hours' worth of roads, through some of the highest hills in Greece.

"I did have a map," he protested. "It just didn't show any gradients, which was a bit off I thought. And there was only one car hire place in Nafplion, and it was closed."

Needing to make Kalamata for 10am, Nick roared off, well, more like pootled off, on an overnight long haul.

The trip included a pit-stop in the mountains ("it was very brief 'cos I heard a wolf"), and another in the only late-night garage in Tripoli, before the poor old moto gave up the ghost on a deserted highway, 20 miles out of Sparta.

"The policeman who rescued me said: 'is problem'," Nick remembers.

"He told me the cold air had frozen the drive shaft and snapped it. Which was pretty good English for a Greek traffic cop. I'm surprised he didn't say, 'that'll cost yer'."

He ended up getting a lift with the cop's taxi-driver cousin, at "mate's rates", and made the courthouse at 5.30am, in plenty of time for the court hearing.

However, having foolishly blabbed the story to his national counterparts, he earned the moniker "Moped Boy".

Indeed, the story circulated so much that, on their release, the British plane spotters greeted 'Nikolai' with the words: "Aha, it's Moped Boy; we've heard all about you."

Nick told me: "I also have a very good tale involving the Nafplion gay Mafia and a DJ called Bob.

"But I'm saving that for my memoirs. For now, I'm just avoiding anything with less than four wheels."

One of my spies got a dose of Cold Feet while out and about in the hallowed halls of Sainsbury's, in Foss Bank, on the Saturday before New Year.

For there, settling his bill and leaving swooning checkout girls in his wake, was TV star James Nesbitt, looking lovelorn as ever, fresh from completing the third series of the hit comedy-drama.

Perhaps he was throwing together the ingredients for a nice supper to celebrate the arrival of his character Adam's new baby.

Or maybe he was searching for that girl from At Home With The Braithwaites (another top-rated ITV show) who vanished in York at the end of the last series.

But what car did he unload his shopping into? A swanky Porsche, Jaguar, BMW or Mercedes? No. It was a humble Ford Fiesta.

Perhaps top TV stars salaries aren't all they're cracked up to be. Or perhaps James is just as normal as the rest of us.

James was certainly a busy shopper during his time in York. For he also called in at Jacksons supermarket in Fulford Road to acquire a few provisions. The rumour amongst customers there was that he was visiting a relative who lives in York.

Is this true? If James' relative does live in our fair city, Turpin would love to know. Call me on 01904 653051.

There's BBC English and there's Belfast Irish.

We are not sure which part of Northern Ireland Radio York presenter Elly Fiorentini visited over the festive period, or for how long.

But the Breakfast Show presenter has returned to her microphone doing a fair impression of Dr Ian Paisley.

It was odd listening to the local lass reading the local news with a distinctly Shankhill Road twang.

Perhaps she is one of those verbal chameleons who cannot help mimicking the local accent wherever she is.

So when Miss Fiorentini nips across to Italy to see her favourite national soccer squad, we can expect the Radio York airwaves to resound to lots of ciao bella bambina, fettucini linguine spaghetti bolognese cinquecento.

Labour Party workers in the Knavesmire Ward have been busy delivering Christmas cards to residents in the area.

The card is attractively designed and is inscribed on the front with the message: "Merry Christmas from your Knavesmire Labour councillors & MP".

Unfortunately, one of my colleagues, who lives in the Knavesmire Ward, received his card on New Year's Day - a week after Christmas.

The card also opens out to provide a free 2002 calendar with the school holidays already marked on it.

Sadly, there's a problem here, too. The calendar shows that schools were back after the Christmas break on Thursday. In fact many don't go back until Monday.

It also shows a one-week break for Easter starting on Good Friday (March 29). The schools actually break up on March 22, giving pupils and teachers a two-week break.

Still, it's the thought that counts.

Quote of the week: "Not a single human being has asked me about the selection process - only journalists." York-born MP Frank Dobson