I MUST tell your readers about a pantomime I have just seen.

I urge your readers to go and see it as it is free and the show starts at 4am to 10am every day in any street in York city centre.

It is called No One Is Watching And I Won't Get Caught!

The running order is as follows:

Act 1 - Caretaker of office block puts rubbish out for binmen.

Act 2 - Delivery lorry arrives five minutes later and drives over it, scattering it everywhere.

Act 3 - Brewery lorry arrives ten minutes later, parks alongside Act 2 lorry, thus stopping oncoming traffic from proceeding, causing vehicles to reverse down a one-way street.

Act 4 - Milk float turns into Parliament Street from Church Street when driver realises he has forgotten to deliver in Stonegate. He reverses the full length of Davygate, which is a one-way street towards oncoming traffic to reach his missed doorstep.

Act 5 - Newspaper delivery van drives to junction of Church Street/Kings Square when driver realises it must be quicker to drive the wrong way down Goodramgate forcing oncoming traffic to take evasive action.

If readers are worried they may miss the show because of prior commitments, don't be. It is on every day. But a word of caution. If you see the cyclist with no lights who is looking over his shoulder for the policeman please feel free to shout: "He's behind you!"

P R Willey,

Burnholme Drive,

York.

Updated: 12:45 Saturday, December 15, 2001