AS chairman of the Society to Help Advance Apathy, Nonchalance and Torpor, I have been asked to write our annual report this week. I won't of course. I can't be bothered.

Were I ever to get round to it, however, my report would read something like this...

We at SHAANT have been delighted by another record-breaking year of apathy. Levels of listlessness are up by what our treasurer tells me is "probably something like 40 per cent, but I haven't got round to doing the sums yet".

Most encouraging is the sheer breadth of indifference. It now affects every area of public life.

First, we must pay homage to the Prime Minister. We could ask for no finer inspiration.

Tony Blair has spent the last few weeks jetting around the world, working 16 hour days and hosting meetings with every world leader except the Ice Queen of Narnia. And still our Allies think he's shifty, his friends think he's weak and the public are sick of the sight of him.

By his efforts Mr Blair has shown millions around the world that working yourself to the bone to achieve something you believe in is an utterly thankless task.

This is not the only reason why SHAANT has had a good war. Despite terrorists committing one of the most heinous single crimes in history, we are thrilled to note that the newspapers have been filled with pundits urging a "do nothing" response. By disguising this call to apathy as pacifism, they have even edged their armchairs onto the moral high ground.

Disappointingly, however, the global alliance has not heeded their wise words. They have been roused into action. Risks have been taken; forces have been sent in.

And what, pray, has this accomplished? Nothing, if you leave aside an evil regime vanquished, improved basic human rights in Afghanistan and a terrorist regime in tatters. Which just goes to show what happens if you try and change things.

On a more local level, this has been another good year for apathy in York. The council's determination to do nothing to stop Coppergate Riverside - though it is so obviously wrong for the city - is heartening. Councillors even want to bung a barrister a few grand to state their case at the public inquiry. It will save them the effort.

Coppergate can be added to a fine inventory of apathy which also includes the end of the free fireworks display and the ongoing erosion of York's green spaces.

What of our future? Here we come to the best news of all.

Ten years after its creation, the SHAANT Youth League still boasts no members at all. This is an excellent achievement, and reflects the remarkable degree of lethargy among our young people.

Not so long ago, our college campuses were a hotbed of dissent. Students were ready to change the world and had youthful vim with which to do so.

Now, mercifully, much of that energy has dissipated. So lacklustre are today's undergraduates that the York University Students' Union has taken to paying people to protest against security cutbacks.

It warms our hearts to see the union dipping into its money box because no one would dress up as an elephant for nothing.

More marvellous still, a letter writer on this page then complains that the Evening Press has not taken their prancing elephant seriously.

If we can rouse ourselves, the SHAANT executive might even hire the student elephant.

He would make a wonderful symbol of apathy on our flag day.

Naturally, this falls on St George's Day, another event no one gives a toss about.