Q I am stunned by my wife's decision to leave me taking our three children, aged eight, six and five, with her. She has met with a solicitor and plans to divorce me. I've asked her to come for counselling, but she says it's too late and that she has made up her mind to go. How do I come to terms with a decision that is not mine? I feel so powerless and the thought of being parted from my children is unbearable.

A This is an agonising time for you and your family. It sounds as though your wife's decision to seek a divorce has come as a complete shock. Separation from a partner is one of the most stressful life events that can happen.

Coming to terms with the loss and separation through divorce is a slow journey, in fact it can take several years to fully process the feelings of grief and loss, and to mourn the ending of the relationship.

You may have a range of emotions, shock, disbelief, sadness, and anger, they are a completely normal range of feelings and all part of the grieving process.

This is a time of confusion, crisis, and disappointment so ask for the support you need from family and friends.

As far as your children are concerned, you as their father have rights, so consider seeing a solicitor.

You may also want to contact York Family Mediation on 01904-646068 to find out about their service.

I recommend you contact Relate to arrange counselling for yourself.

You need support now and the space to think things through without feeling pressured.

York and Harrogate Relate can be contacted on 01904 625971 and 01423 502173.