Timebomb in my head

DAVE Asbury sat in his darkened living room deciding whether he should kill himself. The desperate hammering on the front door and shouts for him to come out were barely audible as he weighed up what he had to live for. A chef at York University, with a loving family and good friends - plenty it would appear on the surface. But Dave had been in the grips of clinical depression for seven years and it's not as simple as that.

Thankfully the police eventually broke in to his house before any suicidal thoughts could turn into actions. Now one year on Dave has made an excellent recovery and wants to share his experiences to help others.

The 28-year-old from Holgate, York, is among millions of other depression sufferers in Britain and, according to health experts, the numbers are spiralling - with tragic consequences.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) predicts that depression will be the second leading cause of death

world-wide by 2020.

One of the problems is a public misconception of what it actually is.

"Depression is not unhappiness - it is a life-threatening disease," explains Richard Hornsby, a leading expert on the condition.

Dave, who moved to York from Liverpool when he was 19, can testify to that.

The seeds of his illness were sown during his teens when he started suffering unexplained panic attacks.

"They really freaked me out," Dave said. "I would get short of breath and become shaky - anything could set them off."

The attacks continued sporadically but were dismissed as all part of growing up after doctors gave him a clean bill of health.

But by the time he turned 21 Dave was suffering an intense panic attack every day. He recalls: "I was getting desperately down about them which started the cycle of depression."

His local GP put him on a course of anti-depressants and referred him to the clinical psychology unit at York District Hospital, which provided him with counselling.

"I felt OK for a while and put it behind me, but it wasn't long before I started having terrible black mood swings. I didn't understand why I was so down - I was a fit and healthy young lad from a good home with lots of friends.

"I felt alone, alienated and didn't have the confidence to pour out my feelings to anyone which made it ten times worse."

Dave admits to having a minor breakdown at this point. He couldn't face anyone and didn't have the mental strength to do anything. Diagnosed as clinically depressed he was off work for three-and-a-half months, put back on medication and given more counselling.

The WHO claim employers would rather hire someone with a criminal record than a mentally-ill person. Dave was fortunate in that respect.

"My bosses at York University were fantastic - they should be proud of the sensitive, caring way they handled me during that terrible time. I was never once pressured or made to feel guilty for having time off. It was such a relief knowing I had a job to return to when I recovered."

Dave did recover but, as with countless other sufferers, this was not the end of the story.

Eighteen months later, his black moods returned suddenly and led to his near-suicide attempt just days later.

"I had been off my medication for months and I honestly thought I was cured," Dave recalls. "I didn't see the signs when they came back. Maybe I didn't want to see them.

"I got down so quickly I just wanted to end my life. I felt like I was going to be plagued like that for the rest of my life and I couldn't cope with the thought of it."

Dr David Butler, a consultant clinical psychologist based at York's Bootham Park Hospital, helps people like Dave try make sense of it all.

"Counselling and psychological therapies all aim to help the individual understand why they are feeling the way they do and find ways to change this," Dr Butler said.

"Sometimes emotional and psychological difficulties are brought on by recent stressful life events, but sometimes they have their roots in difficult experiences earlier in life.

"Not talking about it or trying to disguise it usually makes people worse."

For an illness that costs Britain £8 billion a year and affects more people than cancer, health services tackling depression are severely under funded.

In York, non-serious routine patients can sometimes wait up to a year to be treated, according to Dr Butler.

Another avenue of help is the mental health charity MIND, which provides a counselling and advocacy service. Rebecca Rea, director of York and District MIND, says: "Depression is on the increase but there is help out there for people who want it. Talking it through with someone is the key to recovery."

Dave agrees. "Accepting you've got an illness is the key to it," he says. "Once that's established there is enough help around to treat and beat it. Depression is like a ticking time bomb. The longer you leave it, the worse it gets until suddenly you feel like life isn't worth living. The public perception is cheer up and everything will be OK. But it's an illness like any other and needs treating as such. It would be dangerous not to."

- For more information about depression, contact York and District MIND on 01904 647349 or visit its website at www.yorkmind.org.uk