THE human story of the atrocity in New York continues to be told. In that modern twist on disaster, mobile phones helped to write tragedy's script, as many last calls were made in the certainty of death. In one heart-breaking detail, Melissa Hughes rang her husband but got the answering-machine, which recorded her last words: "I just wanted you to know that I love you. Bye-bye."

From the mist of tears - and, God knows, it's been hard to keep a dry eye reading some of the accounts - a picture of unimaginable suffering and loss emerges.

What cannot be said often enough is that the atrocity in New York amounts to one of the worst single criminal acts in modern history. Innocent people died in their thousands for being in America and going about their daily work.

They deserved to live and had done nothing to warrant the missile planes that came at them out of a blue September sky.

What also cannot be said often enough is that the terrorists attacks were not war in any usual sense. War is a useful word - short, hard and determined, the ultimate no-nonsense word, easy to grasp when seeking vengeance for the toppled skyscrapers. So no surprise that President Bush plunged his hand into the dictionary and pulled out 'war'.

To declare war, you have to have an enemy. A war takes place between identifiable states with boundaries marked on a map. What is building up at the moment is revenge for an unimaginably evil criminal act - the ultimate terrorist crime but not an act of war against democracy, as Bush believes.

The culprits remain unknown but the prime suspect is Osama bin Laden, the millionaire Saudi fundamentalist harboured in Afghanistan. There is, as yet, no proof, just a growing call to bomb Afghanistan into the Stone Age - which is where the poor, benighted country already seems to be.

I started with an emotional quote and here are other words, spoken by Mark Newton-Carter, whose brother appears to have died in the terrorist outrage.

He told a Sunday newspaper: "I think Bush should be caged at the moment. He is a loose cannon. He is building up his forces getting ready for a military strike. That is not the answer. Gandhi said: 'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind', and never was a truer word spoken."

Not all grief speaks with an avenging voice and for some reason such words are comforting and humbling.

It is important to remember, when the world seems to fall about us, that while the calls for revenge are entirely legitimate, blowing up innocent people in Afghanistan will not make an appalling situation better by one iota.

America has every right to be tough on terrorism - but being tough won't be enough.

The US has to understand what causes fundamentalist terrorism, perhaps looking at poverty, disease and oppression, which can play a part. And the US has to be careful not to let fresh terrorist martyrs grow in the bloodied soil.

Above all, America has to acquire a sense of how it can appear to other eyes. America is isolated by wealth, geography and lack of interest in what goes on abroad - as shown by the home-boy instincts of its Texan President, hardly yet a true international figure.

Our own Tony Blair - not generally much favoured in this column - has carried himself well, balancing robust support for the US with a note of caution.

This is encouraging, because the prospect of America going hell for revenge without a clear idea of the target, or the desired outcome, is too scary for words.