Q Over the past few years my self-confidence has taken a battering. After divorcing my abusive husband, I have moved with my two children to a new town. This is not the first time I have ended an abusive relationship and I'm beginning to think I must attract this kind of man. I have zero self-esteem and don't have any friends locally. I would like a loving relationship with someone who will value and respect me.

A You have found the confidence to leave your husband and that takes a lot of courage. Leaving an abusive partner is no easy matter, and starting again in a new area must be hard for you and your children, certainly not an easy move to make but you have shown your strength and courage in doing so. You sound terribly isolated and the first move is to recruit some support and practical help: family and any friends still left to you - tell them you need their help at this time. You cannot hold yourself responsible for your ex-husband's behaviour. You were not to blame and over the course of time you will know this.

I recommend you read Gael Lindenfield's book called Self Esteem. Also you might find counselling helpful in looking at patterns in past relationships and to explore what is important to you now you have broken away from your old life. Change is always hard but to build a life free of fear and pain is worth it. Overall it will help you to have the loving, respectful relationship you want.

York and Harrogate Relate can be contacted by telephoning 01904 625971 or 01423 502173.