Q My partner and I have lived together part-time for the past two years. He works in Scotland. We manage to be together most weekends. He knows I want to get married, but says he is happy with the way things are and that relationships become stale if you are together full time. He is not into commitment and believes children and the domestic side of living together would change everything. How can I convince him to give more commitment?

A You cannot convince him to be more committed, it is something that he needs to feel himself otherwise he will feel pressured and seek to create distance from you.

Clearly you have let him know how you feel concerning marriage and children. Is he against serious commitment for some reason? And/or are you yourself worried about the idea of commitment?

It sounds as though the long-distance arrangement works well for him. I sense though that you are unhappy, frustrated and feel powerless to bring him around to your way of thinking. How long are you prepared to continue with this part-time relationship? What are your needs?

A long distance relationship needs to be talked through, especially if it is not a temporary situation. You both need to be clear about your expectations and to honestly talk about how you see the future together. You need to have an understanding of what is going on in his head this is a better basis for decision-making rather than hoping to change him. Couple-counselling with Relate would help you both explore your options and perhaps to let go of the relationship if it is at odds with what you want.