Whipping boy

He missed a race and went pink with embarrassment then red with anger after being escorted off Knavesmire by burly security guards following an alleged hand-bag snatch.

"Now I know how Deirdre Raschid and The Fugitive must have felt, being stitched up for something they didn't do," he told me.

"Three henchmen more than 6ft tall and just as wide came up and said a woman had complained that I'd tried to steal her handbag, that the incident had been caught on video and that they wanted me off the course," he spluttered still fuming yesterday.

"Of course I protested - who is this woman, where is this video, what do I want a handbag for? etc - but what could I do?

"They were in no mood for an argument so I had no choice but to walk out with them. However, I did get the name of the head of Constant Security - and went straight back to complain after picking up my Evening Press ID.

"I got a sincere apology and an explanation. Apparently, the Knavesmire Knucklers should have plucked the man standing next to me, but took me by mistake.

"I was promised a slap-up meal and a few drinks on them the next time the missus and I go to the races," said Peter perking up at the prospect.

"Considering the embarrassment I suffered plus the fact I missed some of the action, the food had better be good."

And he didn't have a single winner, before or after getting the boot.

Apparently all that was in the handbag was £1.73, two losing betting slips and lipstick - not even Peter's colour.

Sorry mate, only joking.

u THE rancorous battle for the Tory leadership has split the York Conservative Association - and the city's most recent Tory MP wannabes, I can reveal.

Simon Mallett contested York in 1997, when Labour's Hugh Bayley stormed home with a 20,513 majority. "We will win back York... I give you five years," he told the crowd that day. Sure enough, five years later Conservative candidate Michael McIntyre stormed into second place (although he did cut Mr Bayley's majority to a wafer-thin 13,779).

Faced with another election, for Tory leader, Simon is backing Ken Clarke while Michael has plumped for Iain Duncan Smith.

A recent straw poll showed the entire York Conservative Association split 50-50, said chairman Simon.

So are he and Michael engaged in a fierce row over whose man is the best?

"We didn't have a ding-dong argument. We had an interesting discussion at our executive meeting," he said, adding: "Whoever wins we'll unite behind him."

u THE SUN was scorching my eyeballs as I squinted against the rays to read: "Well, Christmas is almost with us again."

I groaned as I rubbed brandy sauce on my sunburns and read on.

It was a press release from the forward-thinking Dean Court Hotel in York promoting their availability for Yuletide festivities this year.

Talk about getting into the swing of things...

One of the signatories to this missive was no other than Michael Preece the 'deputy manger'.

Well that's how they had spelled manager. Perhaps if he moves on the hotel staff will be singing 'Away with a manger'.

Livewire general manager David Brooks was heard to say: "Well if we find we have no room at the inn for any of our revellers this year I'll send them round to Manger Mansions, Michael's house and he will have to deal with 'em."

So as not to be thought a dog in a manager I have a kiss 'n tell message for all lovey-doveys: the Dean Court was voted AA Romantic Hotel Of The Year in 1999.

u COUNTDOWN to laughter with Richard Whiteley, left, former Calendar anchorman and Mayor of Wetwang.

He was in York recently for some bash or other and regaled his hosts with a few funnies. Such as the toastmaster who turned to guest speaker Richard and asked: "Are you ready to speak now Mr Whiteley, or should we let them enjoy themselves for a few more minutes?"

Or the woman who approached him and said: "Last year Gerald and I went round the world, but we didn't like it. So next year we're going somewhere else."

Or the incident on York Station when a woman asked him: "It's you, isn't it? I used to enjoy your show so much."

When Richard asked why she had stopped watching it she said: "Oh, I've moved to Cleethorpes!"

u AN advert in last night's Evening Press from York Farmers' Market urged readers to "Buy British, Buy Yorkshire, Buy Local" at the York Auction Centre, Murton, today.

All very laudable in these disease-ridden times. So guess what was on offer?

Buffalo, wild boar, and ostrich among more exotic local nosh.

I have visions of grazing buffalo chomping through the Veld Of York as ostriches merrily run about with heads held high.

Expect a visit from whispering David Attenborough on the Poppleton Pampas togged up as a galloping gaucho.

The world is getting weirder.