WRITING about illiteracy, now there's a dangerous thing. The words will barely have settled on the page before someone scents a mistake. Whenever a study discovers we are less literate than in 1066 or some such time, commentators trundle out their weary carts, saying the world has gone to pot, the Sixties are to blame, it didn't happen in their day, and before you know it, York's own Nick Seaton, of the Campaign for Real Education, will be sighing all over the airwaves and embossing newsprint with his ever-ready grumbles.

Language is always interesting, whether we are talking about crumbling grammar, the abbreviated sub-language of e-mail and text messages on mobile phones, modern gobbledegook, or using the English language as a nationality test.

I'll agree, though reluctantly, that grammar has its uses. So long as it is used to let language run on easy rails and not deployed as a dusty set of rules to make people feel stupid.

Spurred on by fresh reports of poor spelling, Radio Five Live is running a spelling test on its website, which is displaying a paragraph containing 14 intentional mistakes, such as 'realy', 'diffrent' and 'litterature'. I spotted all but one of the errors, failing to spy the missing letter 'd' in 'I use to'. Damn that 'd'.

The misuse of words is as much a matter of concern as grammatical howlers - more so these days, when pretentious nonsense is spoken and written everywhere. How bungled bureaucratic prose, self-inflated business jargon and political double-speak assault our ears and eyes.

Larry Trask records such howlers and has studied the most common slips and gaffes perpetrated by students, teachers, journalists and others who make words their business. He is the editor of Mind The Gaffe, a new guide to common errors in English, published by Penguin.

Some of Professor Trask's most hated misuses are obvious: 'aforementioned' (which he says should be banned outside legal use) and 'at this moment in time' (a self-important 'now'). He also berates 'albeit', suggesting 'but' or 'though'. Oh, the shame of it! I used that last offending word a few paragraphs above, but hastily removed it in a brown paper bag to a place of safety.

Another sensible rule of Prof Trask's is 'communicate' shouldn't be used when 'say' will do nicely, while 'fortuitous' is just a long word for lucky.

Jargon words he despises include 'empowerment', 'feedback', 'input', 'linear' and 'interface', which these days are popped into mouths as often as chewing gum. Most of them are about as indigestible too.

As for 'synergy', Prof Trask suggests challenging the user on its meaning, and I'm with him on that one. What a preposterous word. No, make that an absurd word. Shorter, you see.

Away from such wordplay, language can be political. The Government has suggested a working knowledge of English could be made compulsory for anyone applying for British citizenship. This illiberal wheeze is the idea of Home Office minister Lord Rooker.

As is becoming typical of the New Labour crew, this idea appears to have no other merit than pleasing the pub bore, shouldn't-let-them-in tendency. It is little more than a new twist on Lord Tebbit's infamous cricket test. The old Tory hit-man once pondered whether or not immigrants would support the England cricket team or that from the country of their origin.

In a sense, Lord Rooker's intervention is a distraction. Most immigrants will speak some English or want to learn. So why send out such hostile signals?

My own modest suggestion is this: Labour politicians seeking to go on holiday to Tuscany should first be forced to become fluent in Italian.