Q I am constantly having trouble getting my point across to people. It always seems that what I say and what they hear are two different things. Can you explain this please?

A The answer to this one is quite simple. What you say and what other people hear are indeed two different things. Our brains are equipped with a number of filters.

The job of these filters is to take everything that happens to us, including everything we hear, delete, distort and generalise it, and re-present them to us in a way that we can understand. These filters are many but some of the more prevalent ones are values and beliefs, memories, attitudes, decisions and self-esteem.

A very simplistic way of explaining this is to use a kitchen table.

To mum, it is a piece of furniture to be polished and cared for.

To dad, it might be an implement to eat off or clean shoes on and to a child it may be a wonderful tent.

There is evidence within each of them that they are absolutely right. The fact is that it is a piece of wood fashioned with a top and legs that can become anything an individual wants it to become.

The same goes for the words you use when communicating with others.

Using these filters in their own unique way your friends will make what you say become anything they want it to become.

My invitation to you is to entertain the idea that no one is wrong and that everyone is right, based on his or her values, beliefs, memories, attitudes and self-esteem.