Q My husband is addicted to pornography. I have recently found all the evidence on our computer. He's received pictures of naked women by email and "talks" to them in chat rooms. He subscribes to porn sites and I've also found hard-core magazines hidden in the bedroom. I've tried to talk to him about this but he refuses to tell me why he does it but tells me that he will stop. I now feel dirty when we make love and feel I can no longer trust him. I'm angry and can't take much more, what can I do?

A Your husband appears to have a sexual fetish for pornography and it feels that the hardest part for you to bear is the deceit. Your husband may see what he does as part of a fantasy life; it's not real for him, just a short cut to orgasms. This can be very compelling and difficult to give up. He may find it hard to talk to you because you get angry and it disgusts you.

If he is really serious about giving up, and is not just saying that to fob you off, he should seek professional therapy to help him to kick the habit. You might also consider therapy to support you as you go through this difficult time. If he is unwilling to change then ultimately the choice you face is between finding a way of coping with it or leaving him.