Q I've been married for six years and thought we had a good relationship.

Last month I discovered that my husband has been having an affair. I confronted him and he tells me it is over and wants another chance. My head is reeling. One minute I feel we can get over this but the next I'm angry with him and feel I could never trust him again. I don't know what to do. We are fortunate in not having children to consider. What can I do to stop feeling this way?

A You're very hurt and confused at the moment, which is a normal reaction in this situation. After the initial shock you have some difficult decisions to make and the most important one is whether to stay together. Counselling might be beneficial at this point in helping you both to understand each other's emotions and explore the options.

Relate has a wealth of experience in this area and I would urge you to contact counsellors there.

Once you both know where you stand, take a hard look at the situation. Some common reasons for not staying are:

- If you feel the infidelity is unforgivable and you cannot move on from the affair then it is time to leave

- If the affair happened because you simply cannot meet each other's needs. If one of you wants children or to have an open relationship and the other cannot bear that, then parting may be the solution.

There is a point to staying in the relationship;

- If you both want the relationship to work, even though at this stage you are not sure how to go about it, you stand a good chance of being successful when the intention is there

- If the affair has made you realise that your relationship needs to change. Maybe you've both been working so hard that you don't spend enough time together.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or go is down to you both. If one of you leaves then the decision is made and you have to learn to live with it.

There is hope. Many couples that survive an affair often find their relationship becomes stronger than before.

If there is a chance of making it work, give it a go.