IHAVE just spent three minutes and 50 seconds watching Shed 7's lead singer Rick Witter taking his kit off on video. No it wasn't a porno, it was a promo video to boost Shed's new single Cry For Help released on April 22, and produced and shot in York by Yorkies.

I met up with producer Stephen Pugh and his cameraman Chris Spence, 21, who reckon that if the song takes off and is shown with their video, they could be fast-forwarding into the big time.

Stephen, 31, who lives just off the Hull Road and is one of the head honchos of Aarkid video productions, has already shot videos for local bands such as Tung, Huge and The Nosedivers, but this is the biggie that could launch them.

The Sheds have a new CD out later this month and I have been reliably informed it contains some of their best work for years.

The five-man crew at Aarkid productions shot the video, with Rick taking off layer after layer of clothes then popping them into suitcases to symbolise the baggage of a lost love, and could be spotted up and down Gillygate as they filmed.

Stripper Rick, who never gets down to undies, spots a pair of second-hand trainers in a charity shop and runs off - now without baggage - to join the rest of the band in a Stonegate pub. But when he gets there... well, watch it for yourself, it's funny.

u THE bread was buttered, the tartare sauce was ready, the wedges of lemon cut and all eyes were on the door of the Waggon And Horses in York's Lawrence Street, waiting for Baz the Plumber to walk in with the sea-fresh fish.

You'll remember Baz, the man who delayed the take-off of 250 holidaymakers on a flight from Manchester to Malaga because he decided to tuck into an all-day breakfast at 5pm.

In the further adventures of Baz, he had told drinkers he was going sea fishing off Scarborough with his boss Dekka, and he would be bringing back more cod than you could shake a rod at.

Spuds had been chipped and were ready to fry and all that was missing was the fish.

Eventually Baz breezed in carrying a large white plastic bag.

Drinkers soon stopped salivating when, from out of the bag, he produced a little packet of boil-in-the-bag kippers, two glass dolphins and a jigsaw puzzle.

"We couldn't get Dekka's boat to start," he said sheepishly. "I bought the kippers from a man in the Newcastle Packet by the harbour in Scarborough, then got me mam the glass dolphins and jigsaw puzzle. She loves doing jigsaw puzzles."

Everyone in the Waggon was gutted and for one moment it looked as if Baz was about to be... battered.

On the plus side, the Chinese take-away, a few doors down, did well that night.

u A RADIO 5 Live researcher from London rang Liz Page, editor of this esteemed journal, to find out what our front page splash would be about on Wednesday.

So Liz replied: "We will be leading with foot and mouth and the fact that Malton Show has been cancelled."

There was a sympathetic sigh at the end of the line as the researcher said: "Oh dear, was it a musical?"

Some of these city slickers in London have straw in their ears.

u I WAS standing outside the Press offices taking a breath of fresh carbon monoxide while admiring the superbikes parked outside the motorcycle shop next door, when an elfin guy with a short, white beard bearded me.

"Yow know where Dick Turpin is buried?" he asked.

I am Dick Turpin, I told him truthfully.

"Yow're pulling muy leg, yow are," said the sawn-off Brummie from Sutton Coldfield.

It turns out my forbear's grave in St George's churchyard, George Street, is a must-visit, must-photograph landmark for contestants in the 12-section round-Britain Bikerland 2000 competition and the Brummie was doing some advance research.

No wonder - if you get a snap of yourself and your bike you could win a Ducati superbike worth £12,000.

So I told him where my namesake now sleeps and the Brummie elf beamed and ran back to his parked vehicle with alacrity... it was a pure white Robin Reliant three-wheeler!

Laugh? I nearly died.

u WAS I the only one to hear Radio York presenter Alex Hall get rather upset on April Fool's Day?

Alex, who hosts the Sunday Phone-In between 11am and noon, seemed to be having a bit of a hard time drumming up callers to her programme and was running through the week's news stories and asking if anyone had any opinions that they would like to air. One of the stories she mentioned was that of "abandoned babies" - such a story had featured prominently in the week's news.

Sure enough, Richard of Malton came on the line, telling a heart-rending tale of being abandoned on Knavesmire 50 years ago.

He claimed he was found in a wicker basket just after Chipperfield's Circus had left town.

Tears splashed on to my yellow marigolds as Richard's poignant tale unfolded.

"My parents never told me until I was eight or nine and we were staying at Weston-Super-Mare. There was a fire in our hotel and the fire-escape was blocked. A fireman threw a rope over to my parents and then and there, to my astonishment, I realised I could tightrope walk!"

There followed a stony silence before Alex pointedly asked the caller if he knew what day it was.

"I certainly do, speak to you soon!" said the cheeky caller and hung up.

"I think not!" stormed a highly-unamused Alex.

I know the true identity of the spoof caller but wild horses would not drag it out of me. Half a pint might...

u WINNERS of my Heads You Win Competition with the correct definition of a follicle were: B Pettitt, Rosemary Place, York; John Holland, Lucas Avenue, Burton Stone Lane, York; C Tate, Powell Street, Selby; R J A Anstey, Rose Garth, Main Street, Appleton Roebuck; Mrs C Addy, Walnut Close, Haxby, and Brian Smith, Whenby Grove, Huntington, York.

Each will receive a presentation pack of hair-thickening products for men from circ.

Hair's looking at you, kid!

u DEFINITION of a playboy... he starts with orchids and ends with forget-me-notes.