Q I've been seeing a man I work with who is getting a divorce. However, he has a two-year-old child. I really love this man, but I don't know if our relationship is right.

He says he loves me and he can't stay married to his wife because they fight all the time. I've seen and heard evidence of this. The problem is that he loves his daughter so much. I feel like I'm the one keeping them apart. I feel that if I were to get out of his life, then he could stay married and have a full-time relationship with his daughter.

He tells me this isn't true. He says he doesn't love his wife and that he can't live with her and would be divorcing her anyway.

I feel very confused and insecure and don't know what to do. Can you help?

A Relationships where one partner is married to someone else are usually doomed from the start, even if the married person follows through with getting a divorce. Most often, there are unresolved issues from the first relationship.

To date, the man you are seeing hasn't been able to follow through with his promise to leave his wife. Although his marriage is clearly unhappy, his prior commitment makes him unavailable to you emotionally and the fact that he is a parent complicates matters even more.

While you are certainly not at fault for his and his wife's failure to make their marriage successful, your instincts are correctly interpreting his lack of emotional availability and commitment to you. This is the cause of your insecurity.

You have a very tough decision facing you, at a time when you're feeling vulnerable. Your decision doesn't depend on what your boyfriend does about his marriage - it depends on you. Counselling may help you to explore the issues, gain more understanding and take action.

York and Harrogate Relate can be contacted on 01904 625971 or 01423 502173.