Q I have been having a lot of trouble with my husband and have been unhappy for a long time. Lately, nothing seems good between us anymore. He doesn't want to do anything. Our anniversary and my birthday came and went without a card. We haven't had a hug or a kiss for ages and sex between us doesn't even exist. What can I do?

A The key to a successful long-term relationship is communication. Even at your worst moments, the lines of communication need to be open, and it seems that in your case, they have already begun to shut down. Have you told your husband how you've been feeling? Have you asked him what's going on for him lately?

He may be under unusual pressure at work, or be having a physical problem that he's not discussing, or something else that neither of us can guess. Try preparing his favourite meal, or going out to his favourite restaurant - doing whatever it is that will create a comfortable climate for you to discuss your relationship.

Try not to attack him as a person, but to discuss from both points of view how you've been acting towards each other. Before assuming or attacking, give him a chance to say what's been going on for him and how this is affecting you. Share your feelings. Hopefully, you can come to a mutually agreed upon conclusion to the discussion, leading to further discussion and growth in your relationship. If you need help, consider Relate which has a wealth of experience in relationship difficulties. If your husband doesn't want to go for counselling, then go for yourself. Build your self-esteem so that it does not rely on your husband's attention.