And now the news...

Name: News At Ten (ITV)

Number of stories: Nine

Duration: 16 minutes

Top five stories:

- Hatfield railway accident: broken rail revealed

- Lords vote on human cloning

- £3 million campaign promoting MMR vaccine

- Tory tax and spending plans

- George W Bush gets to work at the White House

Anchorman: Sir Trevor McDonald

Presentation: Famously clipped tones, with endearing pronunciation quirks, ie

"public fears" became "public fares"

Appearance: Immaculate - dark blue single-breasted suit with subtle stripe; white shirt; red tie with white spots. And he must have had those specs since

college

Fluffed lines: One - family planning became fabbily planning

Assessment: This wasn't News At Ten, rather News At 10.02. At precisely ten o'clock, the headline was that 64 per cent of the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? audience correctly believed Easter Island to be in the Pacific Ocean. At the end of the show, Chris Tarrant announced that the news would follow in 30 seconds' time, and so it did, with no adverts in between. An obvious device to prevent ITV viewers from switching to the BBC's more punctual bulletin.

Sir Trevor called it the "new look News At Ten". Nonsense. We had the same opening titles featuring the Big Ben clockface, the same crazed trombonist theme music (no reprieve for the bongs), the same sign-off line ("Lawrence McGinty, ITN, Westminster"), the same tired TV news clichs (political editor outside Parliament, showbiz correspondent in front of Hollywood sign, our man in Washington next to White House).

The only change was that the bulletin is now ludicrously short. So the Government campaign to reassure parents over the MMR vaccine was dealt with by Sir Trevor in mere seconds, over footage of a sobbing girl about to be jabbed by a doctor.

Sports coverage was limited to the goals in the Premiership game: luckily for

time-pressed Trevor there were only two.

It wasn't a very visual news day, ensuring the pictures were entertainingly contrived: Hatfield survivor feeds his fish; pregnant 56-year-old mum points at a field. The graphics department used what looked like a former C&A shop dummy for its cloning item. The traditionally light-hearted endpiece was about a former movie great, Dame Liz Taylor, making a supreme fool of herself. More poignant than funny.

Highlight: disturbing report about El Salvador, nine days after earthquake

Low point: intrusive pictures of weeping father phoning family to tell them he has identified the body of his 16-year-old son in same report

And finally... this is News Lite. Try the Beeb if you want something more

substantial.

Marks out of (news at) ten: four

Chris Titley

Name: Ten o'clock news (BBC1)

Number of stories: 12, including one brief sports report.

Duration: National news for 25 and a half minutes, followed by regional opt-out.

Top five stories:

- Exclusive interview with Kenyan student in airplane terror

- Threat of manslaughter charges over Hatfield rail crash

- Damilola murder - witnesses not coming forward

- Hague to fight election on transport, police and defence spending

- Ad campaign over the measles, mumps and rubella vaccine.

Anchorman: Peter Sissons, 58

Appearance: Navy jacket, light blue shirt, tasteful matching blue tie

Presentation: Serious, heavyweight, no sign of humour

Fluffed lines: A couple, notably a mix-up over dates on an America anti-abortion story.

Overall: Believable, experienced voice of the BBC.

Highlight: Bizarre exclusive interview with the Kenyan student who attacked the pilot on flight deck of a British Airways plane, nearly causing crash and deaths of passengers including celebrities such as singer Bryan Ferry and Jemima Goldsmith, wife of Imran Khan. Student still incarcerated in Nairobi hospital with psychiatrist at his bedside. Poor deluded man (the student) maintained he was shocked that people thought he was going to crash the plane, but was adamant that persons unknown were out to get him and kill him. Cue psychiatrist who explained that student was suffering from 'delusory disorder of the persecutory type'.

Lowlights:

1. Shameless plugs for other BBC offerings, including Crimewatch, Radio One, Newsnight and Look North. Seems unfair when no one else is allowed to advertise on the BBC.

2. Tedious story about the Tories' election plans, which droned on. Just when thought it was over, cut to Political Editor Andrew Marr for more comment. At this point, sneakily turned over to News at Ten, which was showing report about refugee camps. Even more depressing, switched back.

Regional presenter Tom Ingle also appears to be wearing navy jacket and tasteful blue tie, this time with white shirt. Stories include keyhole surgery at Leeds hospital, a fake jewellery scam in Sheffield and a Bradford woman chosen to dance at the world-famous Moulin Rouge. Dreadful joke from presenter 'she certainly can can-can' but great quote from dancer who announces in deadpan fashion that the Moulin Rouge won't be for ever - because her ambition is to move on to the cruise ships.

And finally... It's back to Peter Sissons, but there's no room for a light-hearted sign-off. Straight over to report on the House of Lords vote on human cloning tests. Aaargh, the BBC must have cloned its journalists. Reporter John Piennar appears to be wearing a navy jacket, white shirt and tasteful blue tie...

Marks out of (news at) ten: Seven.

Liz Page

Updated: 11:55 Wednesday, January 24, 2001