WE'RE mind-readers here at Bar Talk. We can guess what you're thinking. "Where can I find an authoritative guide to the best real ales that will wash down my Christmas pud and see me safely through the Queen's Speech?"

In anticipation of this question, we went to considerable trouble to organise the Bar Talk Winter Warmer tasting session on your behalf. No need to thank us - all in the line of duty.

Our kind friends at Tesco, whose commitment to bottled British real ale is a joy to behold, arranged a suitable selection for our consideration.

Unfortunately the Blandford Fly Premium Ale, spiced with ginger (5.2 per cent), arrived too late. According to the label this beer can reduce swellings caused by the "resident biting insect of Dorset's River Stour". Now there's added value.

Thanks to all the brewers who supplied bottled ale. More gratitude goes to Tony Thomson who loaned us York Brewery's fine bar for this solemn occasion.

Our tasting panel consisted of: Joshua Titley and Dan Beergutstein, potentially award-winning writers of this column; Shaun Collinge, hairless landlord of the peerless Maltings pub in Tanner's Moat, York, and Steve Ewen, York businessman and real ale aficionado. Barbara, the York Brewery barmaid, added her expert opinion.

Let the judging begin...

McEwan's Number 1 Champion Ale, Edinburgh (550ml, 7.3 per cent ABV)

Shaun Collinge: Plenty of character and doesn't taste as strong as the ABV suggests.

Joshua Titley: It's very drinkable. I've drunk it before and I've got drunk on it before.

Steve Ewen: I agree with the other two comments, and I would add that it's also raving sweet.

Dan Beergutstein: I would say it's brimming with character, strong and yet surprisingly easy to drink chorus of boos from panel: Dan was reading from the label

John Willie's by JW Lees, Manchester (500ml, five per cent)

DB: It smells like they haven't finished brewing it properly. I wouldn't want to have to drink any more of this and even though it's free I won't be finishing it.

SC: All I can say is John Willie's the rest is unprintable in a family newspaper

JT: Disappointing. It says on the bottle that it is a distinctive and unusual flavour. It's so unusual that we all hate it.

SE: I agree with Shaun's comments.

Old Engine Oil by Harviestoun, Clackmannanshire (330ml, six per cent)

SE: It says it has a wickedly-smooth, chocolate-dominated flavour. And it does, actually. It changes taste as it actually goes down. It's got a lovely aftertaste.

DB: Tremendously disappointing to start with. But once you have actually swallowed some of it, it was rather nice. It's quite drinkable, and not like engine oil at all.

SC: Single word expletive denoting approval

JT: Bad name for a beer, Engine Oil. Went down smoothly, though.

Mendip Twister by Oakhill, Somerset (500ml, 6.3 per cent)

SC: As far as I'm concerned the best beer we've had all night. Full bodied, quite smooth, goes down well.

DB: I couldn't drink this. It's bitter and it's nasty and it leaves a dirty horrible taste in your mouth. It's like drinking an ash tray.

SE: I like it actually. It reminds me of Wadsworth's Farmer's Glory. I just hope it doesn't remind me in the same sort of way the following morning.

JT: I like it too, but I actually still think that the Harviestoun is my favourite. It deserves its awards and I could probably drink more of it.

Barbara: I think the McEwan's is good and I like the Mendip Twister

too. The Twister is better.

AND so, thanks to Barbara's casting vote, the winner of the Bar Talk winter warmer taste test 2000 was... Mendip Twister.

Remember all these ales are available at Tesco. Sup up, and have a very merry Christmas.

Joshua Titley