Onion braji, sir?

But Pat Chapman's recently-published 2001 Good Curry Guide is nan too sure when it lists a York eaterie as the Bengal Brassiere instead of Brasserie.

Owners of the popular restaurant in Goodramgate, Iqbal Chowdhury and Dobir Malik laughed all the way to the lingerie counter when I told them of the curry king's mistake.

Determined not to be taken for a right pair of... nits, they turned the joke round on Chapman, realising their cups could runneth over with this sort of publicity.

Iqbal laughed: "Our regulars here, and at our sister restaurant in Nether Poppleton, will find it all very amusing.

"Perhaps I'll call Pat Mr Chipman from now on. But it's really a case of much aloo about nothing."

Of the seven Indian restaurants and take-aways mentioned in the guide three were factually wrong.

A saag day for curry fans.

u THE floods have been disastrous for hundreds of householders and businesses across North and East Yorkshire, but at least they have brought out the best in people as communities and neighbours have pulled together.

Well, it's brought out the best in most people.

But not one angry motorist who once received a parking ticket in York and is still at war with the city.

He anonymously e-mailed City of York Council - just as it was in the thick of a major rescue operation, don't forget - with this bitter and twisted message:

"Thirteen years ago I received a parking ticket on a Sunday in York for not paying and displaying in a car park. I had only parked for half an hour. It was possible to park on a single yellow line... but still I got a parking ticket.

"I am therefore delighted to witness the flooding in York. I watched the press coverage with much amusement. Seeing the disruption and damage caused by the water filled me with an enormous sense of well-being.

"You ripped me off 13 years ago. I am absolutely delighted that York is suffering. Ha, ha, ha.

"I hope York is swept away, I will not miss it. I'm off to perform more rain dancing."

Please call again Mr Anon and I will personally push you and your car into the Ouse.

u FLOODING isn't all that York residents have had to endure recently. There has been a rising tide of... gobbledygook.

Radio York, which is doing great work keeping everyone up to date with latest developments during the crisis, has also been deluged with the sort of 'management speak' so beloved by councils and other authorities.

Senior officers of the emergency agencies seem to have vied with each other in their bids to flood the English language with 'management speak'.

Defences and riverbanks no longer 'breach' but 'overtop'.

Senior officers are not interviewed in offices but in 'control suites' which are ranked gold, silver etc,

The brief respite from the rain last Saturday was not just a blessed relief but 'a window of opportunity at this challenging time' and officers did not merely watch the water rise but were 'focusing on, and closely monitoring, the Ouse situation.'

My favourite was from a senior police officer who, when asked about the imminent danger of flooding in a village near Selby, solemnly announced: "Even as I broadcast to you, some of the residents there are now self-evacuating."

I know, I know, flooding is a terrible thing.

I was told on Tuesday I would be flooded-out by 5pm... but if we didn't laugh we would drown in tears.

u AS floodwaters threatened York, the staff at Walker's Bar in Micklegate were stunned when hopeful regular rang to ask if the pub was closed because of the rising waters.

Had the hostelry been flooded out York would have been in really deep trouble - Walker's Bar is half way up the Micklegate Run.

But the call showed a laudable sense of priorities.

Barman Harry may not have agreed though, he lives in the flood-stricken Leeman Road area and had spent the early evening removing his chattels and dog to the safety of the first floor before starting his usual evening shift at Walker's.

u GAVIN Mist got a shock the other day when he went into York's British Telecom shop.

Gavin told me: "I was alarmed by a notice pinned to the wall. It was explaining that staff were having difficulty getting in to work because of the floods and asked customers to 'bare with us'.

"I was tempted to ask which bits they wanted me to bare but it was cold and I needed to get to the bank."

u WHILE researching the causes of bank-bursting rivers, the Evening Press's floodhounds came across the Institute Of Hydrology.

Its spokesman? None other than a Mr G Leeks...

u AMID all the voting chaos in America surely the most powerful nation on the planet couldn't let George W Bush Jnr run the country?

Not after reading these collected quotes from Governor Bush during the last few years.

If he does scrape into the White House they will have to rename the Presidential plane Air Farce One. Here goes:

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

"The future will be better tomorrow."

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the

world."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"Public speaking is very easy."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

God help us if Bush wins the presidency... and you can quote me on that.