Hair we go

LET me tell you now: any bald man who claims he enjoys the state is being just a teeny bit economical with the truth. A few men can carry it off. The likes of Ross Kemp and Andre Agassi, presumably recognising the incipient signs of thinning, have shaved the lot off. For them, a bald head has become a fashion statement a bit like the latest Calvin Klein jeans or Ted Baker shirt. And David Beckham shaved his off - even though he wasn't going bald.

But not everyone can carry it off. You only have to look at poor William Hague to figure that one out.

The Opposition leader obviously felt he needed a harder, tougher image to replace the wimpish one he'd had before. But the effect of his new, cropped hairstyle was to make him look like a thug. Which is perhaps what he wanted.

Many years ago, and acutely conscious of my own thinning hair, I once tried it myself. But the effect of me going entirely bald was simply to make me look vicious. I felt I must be wearing size 15 jackboots from the way elderly women passed me by in the street and pubs went silent as I entered. So I took to wearing a hat until my hair had grown back and I've never tried it again.

Being bald is an affront to your self image. I will never forget the moment when some ditzy girl at the local barber shop first told me I was thinning. I must have been in my mid-20s. The crown on the top of your head is getting very big, she said gleefully. You're going to be bald.

Resisting the impulse to throttle her - she did, after all, have a pair of large and very sharp scissors hovering in the region of my throat - I smiled weakly and thanked her. Then I rushed home and, by using a series of mirrors and twisting my body into strange contortions, contrived to peer down on my head from above. It was, alas, all too true.

Since then, I've nurtured and cherished what hair I have left. I've still, thankfully, got plenty of the stuff round the back and sides, and a thinner covering up top. By carefully nurturing the little tuft I've got left on top, I can convince myself at least when I look in the mirror that I'm not really bald. And let's face it, who else do I need to convince? Nobody else cares a hoot.

Some would have you believe bald people are actively discriminated against in society.

Certainly poor Hague has been subjected to enough ridicule by the press and cartoonists to satisfy the most ardent of masochists.

He has even endured the humiliation of having Ann Widdecombe held up as the sex symbol of his party - and, to top it all, former Labour leader Neil Kinnock has suggested he has little chance of becoming Prime Minister because he is bald.

Kinnock himself lost two elections after taking charge of the Labour Party in 1983, both times to opponents with a full head of hair: first Margaret Thatcher and later John Major.

But I have the sneaking feeling Kinnock's defeats and Hague's image in the press were the result of more than just the number of hairs on their heads.

Speaking as a man who has reached the dizzy heights of feature writer on the Evening Press, I can attest that being bald is no bar to success. It's just very bad for the ego.

Coping with baldness

Trying to cover up your baldness by combing hair over it - in the manner of Bobby Charlton or Robert Robinson - is irredeemably naff, says Warwick University psychology lecturer Dr Martin Skinner. It just shows you hate being bald, and probably makes it more noticeable.

Lisa Shepherd, technical director at the Midland salon run by British Hairdresser of the Year Umberto Giannini, agrees. She has a list of her own don'ts for balding men. These include:

u Don't wear your remaining hair in a pony tail - it looks 'horrendous'

u Don't comb over - if you get caught in a strong wind, you'll be exposed and look ridiculous

u Don't wear a wig - they just look as if they have been 'stuck on'.

There is only one way for balding men to look stylish, Lisa believes: and that is to flaunt the fact by having your remaining hair cut very short. As long as you're not embarrassed by your condition, bald can be beautiful.

"A lot of guys, who are balding, come into the salon and they have a head massage and, where they have got hair, they have it all trimmed nicely. They look very smart and neat," Lisa says. "I actually do find balder men quite attractive. If they are not embarrassed about it, their confidence is attractive."