YOU'VE got to hand it to Bass Leisure Retail. With a flair for timing that would astonish the Swiss cuckoo clock industry, they have closed student boozer Keystones for the entire first month of the new college term.

The scaffolding is now up at the pub, just the other side of Monk Bar. Yet Bar Talk is reliably informed that the £180,000 refurb is mainly internal.

The plan is to create more space for the scholarly types to philosophise about Posh'n'Becks while drinking designer lager.

It is not so long since the pub was rebranded as an It's A Scream student hang-out and repainted in a colour the York Civic Trust compared unfavourably to vomit.

Keystones will reopen on November 2, whereupon it must attempt to claw back student trade from the Pitcher & Piano, Bar 38 and all the 703 student pubs in York.

u WHO is more to blame? U>directsports for charging landlords the best part of £200 to view the disgraceful England performance against Finland, or Howard Wilkinson for failing to motivate our overpaid prima donnas into beating the team comprising Stockport County players among others?

Either way, the game was a bad omen for the future of both the English game and the viewing of the English game.

Controversy surrounding pay-per-view put off a number of landlords, including Paul Clarey at the Rose & Crown, in Lawrence Street, York.

Paul refused to show the match, saying: "We pay £270 a month for Sky as it is, an extra £190 is ridiculous," he said. "Things are getting out of hand."

u SMASHED plates, rude staff and all kinds of crazy things are set to take place at the New Inn, Cropton, on October 28 from 7.30pm.

The pub is hosting a Fawlty Towers night, with highly-trained actors playing the part of Basil and Manuel.

Tickets are £25, include a three-course meal, and are available on 01751 417330.

Joshua Titley & Dan Beergutstein

DOING THE WHITE STUFF

A CHEF who worked under "chef of the decade" Marco-Pierre White has won a major award for his restaurant near Selby. Restaurant Martel, at Gateforth Hall, is co-owned by super-chef Martel Smith and his sister Zoe.

Opening just 12 months ago, it has received two AA rosettes for food, was voted Northside Magazine's restaurant of the year and is now Yorkshire Life magazine's restaurant of the year.

Martel worked at Marco-Pierre White's top London restaurant, The Oak Room, in 1998.

White, who hung up his ladle last December, aged 38, was recently named chef of the decade in a national survey by the AA.

Martel said: "The secret to our success is hard work and dedication. We are striving to be the best restaurant in the area.

"Working under Marco was a good experience. He was very friendly."

Matthew Woodcock