TO celebrate her birthday, Madame got the ever- efficient Ryedale Travel Service to book seats on Eurostar and headed for Paris last weekend. You will appreciate the dangers of such an expedition for a man not renowned for his francophilic views; it was with some trepidation that I boarded the train at Waterloo with my Union Jack T-shirt and "Ban French Apples" stickers on my suitcase.

As a nation, the French seem to repeatedly demonstrate their xenophobic arrogance but as individuals I have to report they are mainly delightful and charming.

Whilst in their capital city, I took the opportunity of researching the availability of British produce and, perhaps to no one's surprise, there wasn't any.

The absence of our meat from the boucherie was not unexpected, but I did think there might have been a small wedge of Cheddar or Stilton amongst the vast array of cheese in the fromagerie. The only gesture towards this sceptred isle, amongst the mountains of food on offer, was a rather mangy selection of white beans on one stall labelled "Haricots Ecossaises"; and I think that this described a variety like we refer to French Beans and not the country of origin!

Having failed with food, I turned to drink, in a manner of speaking, and over the weekend couldn't discover even an acknowledgement that wine was produced anywhere else in the world other than France.

It was an interesting, if sad, exercise, and I can only admire the unwavering support that the French people give to their producers.

Is there a lesson to be learnt from my weekend in Paris? If Malton Bacon factory had been located in Brittany, and not Britain, I wonder if the French workers would have allowed their board of directors to use 40pc imported pork! The lesson is taken from the Book of Loyalty !

l l

All farmers will, by now, have received the MAFF letter on the "Cattle Count" to be taken on September 10. They have picked the busiest time of year for most farmers, and the bad news is that the returns have to be made within a fortnight.

The object is to sweep up all those cattle that were born before the full passport service came into operation on September 1, 1998; by so doing we will then be complying with the EC requirement to have all cattle on a database. This should cross off another objection to the restoration of beef exports but we shall have to wait to see what else Brussels can dream up.

I'm sure it will be in our interest to get the returns in as soon as possible but there will be a lot of work involved.

As auctioneers, we are looking seriously at the way in which we can help.

One of the options for returning the forms is electronically and the auctioneers, of course, have a direct link to the MAFF computers and it is an opportunity to reduce a little of the paperwork for many farmers.

We will try and get the proposals worked up before next week and print them for you in this column.

l l

The cattle census does dovetail nicely with the Farmstock project that I have been reporting in recent weeks. We are making good progress and the website should be up and ready by the beginning of September.

All livestock auctioneers in the country are involved, and I ask you to give your support to the venture if, as an industry, we want to retain an element of independence.

l l

As if we haven't enough red tape and paper to contend with, the new "Sheep and Goats Identification Order" comes into force from January 1; and thereafter all our flocks will have to be tagged.

This latest move makes me even more certain that the Government has secretly got shares in the tag manufacturing companies.

However, for the time being, at least, the tagging rules only apply to sheep when they are leaving the farm but, nevertheless, the additional cost of labour and materials is not good news.

It's a strange old world when paedophiles can go where they want without identification but sheep can't.

l l

There was a misprint about the OTMS rates for the month and these have now been re-confirmed at 49.4p/kg for cows and 55.6p/kg for other cattle.

Now that the weight limit has been lifted, there is an interesting technical advantage to be gained for those big continental cows that may kill out at over 50pc.

The distance and opportunity to take them to an abattoir many miles away often defeats whatever advantage there may be but we are, as auctioneers, trying to seek a way of accommodating such cases along with our regular consignments. Anyone interested, please have a word with Charlie Breese.

l l

Taking into account the horrible circumstances of the accident, Charles Brader is making wonderful progress and has spent three days at home before returning to St James's this week.

I have had a postcard from him in his own, inimitable handwriting which must be a good sign!

l l

There is little pattern to the weather at the moment and Tuesday was one of those days of sunshine and showers. The numbers forward were pretty good and we had over 100 bulls, which is unusual for Malton at this time of year.

Trade was acceptable, with the continentals around 94p/kg and the Friesians about 10p less.

The best bull came from David Wass at 108p/kg for a good heavyweight and was followed by Alice Thompson at 104p/kg for a medium-weight bull.

Clean cattle were a good trade, especially the big heifers which averaged around 96p/kg.

The best-priced steer came from Mark Bulmer at 118p/kg and the best heifer deservedly went to Bill Jackson at 124p/kg.

There were just short of 600 sheep and trade has edged slightly upwards, to around 83p/kg through the market.

David Boak took the top spot at 90p/kg

The pig market was at the lowest ebb that I can remember, with only 100 pigs on offer. Trade was good, averaging over 80p and up to a top of 85p for Brian Kinghorn.