GREG Dyke has revealed how he avoided the usual student financial hardship during his time at York University - thanks to the Evening Press.

The BBC Director General, speaking during a flying visit to Radio York, said his three years at York in the early 1970s were some of the best in his life.

And they were even happier after the Evening Press accused him of being responsible for an "obscene" cartoon featuring a nun in an obscure student publication.

Greg wasn't arguing about whether the cartoon was obscene or not, but he says he knew it wasn't anything to do with him.

He already knew a bit about newspaper law from his previous work as a journalist, and decided to sue. And he eventually ended up collecting £250 in an out-of-court settlement.

It was a tidy sum in those days, and provided a nice supplement to the usual student grant. And he will presumably take a suitably cautious approach to libel during his time at the Beeb.

u MY request for your mobile phone tales fell on eager ears.

Kevin Benson of Lavender Grove, York, wrote: "I remember one told to me by my sister a while ago, when mobiles were not as prolific and carried more of a pose value than now.

"She was on a train back to York and there was a yuppie in the same carriage doing the usual: 'Hi, I'm on the train; we're running an hour late so microwave me something when I get in. Ciao.'

"Still a long way from our fair city an elderly man took a "funny turn" and, as passengers attended to him, the guard turned to Mr. Mobile and asked if he would call ahead for an ambulance to be waiting at the next station.

"Imagine the reaction when the red-faced yuppie replied: 'Sorry, I can't. It's not real!' What a prat!

"This neatly sums up the desperate scramble to be 'mobile cool.' Nowadays these phones seem to be used exclusively to ring one's friends to let them know you're 'mobile.' Ok I have one, supplied by my employers, but when it rings in the street I huddle in a doorway and try to look inconspicuous - no posing for me! Love the column... keep 'em coming."

Dale Minks of Ancress Walk, York told me about a driver who turned into the estate where he lives on two wheels instead of four. "Not spotting the traffic speed humps or previous road signs, the One-Handed Driver From Hell was using his mobile phone! These phone freaks get right up my hooter," says Dale.

Kevin wins three CDs.

u SIX rules for women by a woman:

1 Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

2 If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming too high.

3 Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

4 There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: "don't" and "stop" (but not used together).

5 Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

6 Men's brains are like the prison system - not enough cells per man.

...Six rules for women by a man:

1 If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2 Birthdays, Valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3 If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

4 Shopping is not a sport, and we are never going to think of it that way.

5 Crying is blackmail.

6 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.

u Here are some of the more hilarious signs spotted abroad by the Thomas Cook travel agency:

A Bangkok dry cleaners: "Drop your trousers here for best results."

A Tokyo bar: "Specials cocktails for ladies with nuts."

A Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Women are requested not to have children in the bar."

Advert for a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

A fancy hotel in Zurich, Switzerland: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."

On the window of a Paris dress shop: "Dresses for street walking."

In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

AS Clinton winds down as President of the USA this thought occurred to me. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter

Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Book Store.