Media junkie

As a media studies graduate, I leave it to others to judge whether I am equipped for a job in the media, or indeed for any sort of paid employment. Certainly my academic career is one to which the adjective "vacuous" can be uncontroversially applied.

To be fair, though, it did furnish me with the ability to spot a shameless media junkie when I see one. Which brings me back to Chris Woodhead.

This headline harpy seeks to do down the achievements of schoolchildren and teachers at every opportunity, just to expand his column inches.

His latest twaddle was timed to do maximum damage during A-level results week. The hopes and excitement of A-level students intending to take a vocational degree will have been undermined by Mr Woodhead's comments.

Frankly, who cares what employers - or Mr Woodhead - think of students' degree choices? This is about voluntary education - learning for the sake of learning.

Students should choose a course primarily because they are interested in it, rather than because of the career doors it opens.

If you are passionate about golf course management, why shouldn't you go off and study it? It keeps you away from normal society for three years, so everybody's happy.

Some young people do see higher education purely as a stepping stone to a career. But they are bright and ambitious enough to have researched which courses have the best postgraduate employment records.

STUDENTS who want to get on should ignore Mr Woodhead and do what they do best - slump in front of daytime TV. New research has shown that watching ITV's This Morning shortly before an exam boosts a viewer's IQ by up to eight per cent.

That's because it gives your brain a rest. While you use two grey cells to speculate about what Judy could possibly see in Richard, and how he can fancy himself so much yet still insist on that nerdy fourth former's haircut, the other three million are fast asleep. That means your cerebral faculties are fully refreshed in time to do battle with paper II, 'the nine iron, and its use as a negotiating tool'.

When I was a media studies undergraduate, slumping in front of daytime TV was considered essential coursework. So it follows that I now have the same IQ as a skip-full of Einsteins. No wonder my head hurts.

CARLOS the wallaby is fast-becoming the most impressive marsupial to go on the run in Huntington this year. He managed to evade two recapture attempts with guile, spirit and a kick like Czechoslovakian absinthe.

His escape bid is clearly a cry for help. What Carlos wants is a purpose in life.

There must be plenty of opportunities for such an independently-minded mammal. Perhaps he could begin by reading marsupiology at the University of Reighton Sands.

In the meantime Terry Dolan must be able to find a kicker like Carlos a place in the York City line up. He'd have the crowd in his pocket - literally, if the attendance falls much lower.

Then there's the attempt to extend York's nightlife with Bar 38 opening until 1am. Opponents of the move fear it's a charter for mischief-makers. But Carlos would soon sort them out.

He would make a fine bouncer, in every sense of the word. Anyone who caused trouble wouldn't know what had hit them - unless, of course, they were a graduate of Reighton Sands too.