HAS the world gone mad? I have just finished reading the best part of a page in a respected national newspaper on the merits of women having shaven legs and armpits.

A new study has revealed just how much society frowns upon women who hang onto their body hair.

Keep it and, according to the research by an American university psychologist (people are paid good money to do these jobs), you're seen by your peers as unfriendly, immoral and aggressive.

Add to this the other descriptions voiced about what the study termed Hairy Woman - bossy, dominant, non-conformist, tense, unattractive, unhappy and a feminist - and those who don't shave should be dashing to the nearest chemist.

They include me. Having never sprouted more than the odd strand of under-arm hair - is there something wrong, I wonder? - I've never had to think about whether to remove it or not.

And, as the proud wearer of thick woolly tights 365 days a year, what's the point in shaving my legs?

Even if I was a micro-skirt girl, with two young children where would I find the time to give my legs the super-smooth treatment? I'm lucky if I get around to cleaning my teeth on a morning.

The frightening thing is that people judge you on such things. Not whether you're a nice person.

Look at Julia Roberts, once a much-loved movie star, then - after one glimpse of her unshaven armpits at last year's premiere of Notting Hill - she's labelled, as one paper put it "a natural disaster."

I've come to the sad conclusion that if you're a woman and you want to be widely regaled, you need to get yourself an all-over body beauty routine and stick to it. I desperately need one myself - but however much I'd like to pamper and preen, I honestly haven't got time.

Yet, as fate would have it, as I wrote this column, a pocket-sized book was delivered to my desk, the title being 'Over 150 Truly Astonishing Beauty Tips'. Maybe it would give me some pointers on how to remove that unsociable hair while washing the dishes and changing my toddler's nappy.

My hopes rose as I turned the pages. There was a bit about the latest hair removal technique - zapping the follicles with red and infra-red light. That would be okay if I could do it with the children's toy Star Wars laser.

Then there's the hint on how to make your hair super-shiny using mashed banana. There's plenty of that in our house. Mostly on the sofa, but I suppose I can scrape it off.

And my friend Lesley will go a bundle on the tip to take the brassy tones out of dyed blonde hair by smothering your head in tomato ketchup. There's always ample left on the children's plates after a meal and like mothers everywhere, she hates to see good grub go to waste.

So a beauty routine that fits in with my lifestyle isn't impossible. Summer's over now (did it ever start?) but next year I may surprise everyone, ditch the woolly tights, reveal a pair of ultra-smooth Claudia Schiffer-like pins and - if this research is all it's cracked up to be - instantly gain the respect and admiration of my friends and colleagues.