WRITING about illegal immigrants is a sure way to draw attention to yourself in this newspaper, as this column knows only too well. Yet it is a curious fact of life in York that another sort of uninvited visitor is more likely to grab the headlines.

All manner of races from all countries visit this city, yet one set of tourists always causes a row. It's understandable perhaps, as these guests betray little understanding of our way of life, show scant respect for open spaces, lack all road sense and adopt a thoroughly continental attitude to using the toilet. They arrive here without a passport, eat up all our food, and speak in a hostile language no one can understand. Foreigners, eh!

And to cap it all these passing scroungers have won the support of Dame Judi Dench, of all people.

Now Dame Judi might well have been born in this city, but you could sit as still as stone for a very long time waiting for her to chip in an opinion on life in York today. Then suddenly she breaks her silence to speak up on the fate of the Canada geese in Rowntree Park.

Dame Judi is "outraged and appalled" by the proposed cull, apparently. She was told of the fate that awaits the geese by a swan sanctuary near her home in Surrey. Quoted in Tuesday's Press, Dame Judi said: "We have had swans from the sanctuary, so it is an issue close to mine and my husband's hearts."

Now I'm not much of an ornithologist myself, but I reckon there's a bit of a difference between a goose and a swan. The swan is a beautiful bird with fascinating cleaning habits, thanks to its long and mobile neck. A preening swan loops and twists its neck with great ingenuity as it makes itself look respectable.

Watching, you fear it might tie itself in a knot. Swans also mate for life and are the property of the Queen, apparently - which fact just about exhausts my knowledge of swans.

As for the more populous geese, well they look magnificent passing above your head in a chevron. But the air is the best place for them. Closer too, they can be a wretched nuisance, dropping their trade-mark green muck in an unhygienic and slippery carpet, and wandering across busy roads. Geese are also known for their aggressive hiss, which is not much of a social recommendation.

I certainly don't envy City Of York Council having to take on the geese, for as with any issue concerning animals, sentiment is likely to get in the way. After all, if these geese were rats people would be demanding that the council went out right now and shot the lot of them.

However, because geese are big, covered in feathers and discharge cute-looking chicks, animal lovers such as Dame Judi are horrified.

As to Dame Judi's suggestion that the geese could be "re-housed" at her local sanctuary, it would be interesting to see how they could be transported there. And wouldn't they just fly right back anyway?

FROM mucky geese to not always fragrant politics. The Sunday Times has stirred up a row over the fundraising Labour peer Lord Levy, after discovering that this extremely wealthy man paid only £5,000 in taxes for the year 1998/99.

Lord Levy's explanation is that he devoted himself to charity and fund-raising for that year, living off already-taxed capital.

The stink that rises from such stories is always hard to shake off. Yet it is surely ironic that a newspaper owned by Rupert Murdoch should criticise someone for apparently minimising their tax liability.

For while Lord Levy has paid up his tax in the past, Mr Murdoch's companies are known for their relative parsimony in tax matters.