LIVING above a pub had its attractions for Baz Fowler. There was no problem getting home after one too many pints. But last Saturday he had to vacate his lodgings because Mick and Kay Henagan, of the Waggon And Horses in York's Lawrence Street, were themselves moving out a few days later to let new landlords Stan and Gerrie take over.

Everything seemed OK until Baz rolled up on Sunday night with a Lady on his arm.

It was Lady, the five-year-old Lakeland cross terrier bitch belonging to his new landlady, Angie Heales, who lives along the Hull Road. The terrier dragged the 102-year-old plumber into the bar much to the amazement and amusement of the regulars.

"Hey up Baz, when did you get the dog?" inquired one of the tipplers laughing into the froth of his beer.

"It's not mine," replied Baz, "it belongs to my landlady, Angie. I thought I'd bring it down the pub with this being my first night in my new lodgings. I thought 'Well, if I get a bit drunk the dog will walk me home. I can't remember which number Angie lives at, you see."

The place erupted at this perfect fusion of madness and method.

But it gets better. For the picture on this page, Angie washed and sprayed Lady with perfume so she would smell nice for the photograph.

If you just sniff the picture you will get a distinct whiff of Chanel No 10...

u Cilla Black, famous for her friendly style and common touch, was less than willing to meet the people when she arrived in York to film for her Moment Of Truth show.

A reporter and photographer from this paper were invited to the Nestl Rowntree factory to watch her set another bizarre challenge to the TV game show contestants.

They arrived at the lawn in front of the Haxby Road Smarties plant expecting to take a smiley picture and to get a few words from Miss Black. But instead they got a chiller from Cilla.

A crew member snapped that not only does Cilla not "do press", but that she hasn't done press for a year and she never does local press.

He said they could take some snaps on condition they weren't published until October. The reporter, smarting on a wall a few yards away from the filming, was warned: "You're not coming any closer than that."

Fortunately Shrilla's voice carried quite well, so they were able to report the top secret information that two families will have to move Smarties, one by one, from one plate to another, using chopsticks.

The hush-hush epic will be screened this autumn. I can't wait... to switch the telly off. I "don't do" Cilla!

u THIS has nothing whatsoever to do with York but everything to do with Turpin readers who like a good laff.

In a recent football match between Barbados and Grenada in a cup competition Barbados needed to win the game by two clear goals to progress to the next round.

But a daft rule in the competition stated that in the event of a game going to penalty kicks, the winner of the kicks would be awarded a 2-0 victory. With five minutes to go, Barbados were leading 2-1, yet heading out of the tournament because of the two clear goals rule.

When they realised they were probably not going to score against Grenada's massed defence, they turned round, and deliberately scored an own goal to level the scores and take the game into penalties.

Grenada, being no mugs, realised what was going on and then attempted to score an own goal themselves.

But the Barbados players started defending Grenada's goal to prevent this chicanery.

In the last five minutes, spectators were treated to the incredible sight of both teams defending their opponents' goal against attackers desperately trying to score an own goal and goalkeepers trying to throw the ball into their own net.

The game went to penalties, which Barbados won so they were awarded a 2-0 victory and went into the next round.

u THE feud between York City FC chairman Douglas Craig and outspoken fan Greg Stone is getting weirder by the week. Craig sent Stone a packet of nappies over the latter's premature revelations of City's away strip colours for next season.

The monumentally understated message from chairman Craig was that Stone should grow up.

In retaliation Stone, who now lives in Newcastle, this week sent Craig a bag of marbles, with a note saying: "I think you might have lost these." As subtle as a buzz saw, Greg.

He thanked Craig for the nappies saying it was a kind gesture, and advised him that the new 'away shorts' he was also sent were several sizes too small.

As if York City hadn't got enough on their hands just to string a decent run of victories together. Come on lads, you're both supposed to be kicking in the same direction.

u A DISGUSTED England fan went up the pole when Portugal beat them in their first game of Euro 2000 this week. The man stormed out into the garden of his York house and violently ripped out the flagpole with its rippling St George's flag. Only 95 minutes earlier he had been spotted proudly erecting the flagpole.

Funny old game football, innit, Kev? I'm not sure, but I think his second name is... Keegan, or something like that.

u NEXT Thursday, in The Creation on BBC2 at 7.30pm, the BBC North documentary cameras will be tracking actor Ray Stevenson as he goes for his 'cross fitting' for his role as Jesus in the York Millennium Mystery Plays.

The programme publicity says the documentary will capture "the full horror as the production team discover that the cross is too heavy for Stevenson to carry".

Turpin can reveal the source of the weight problem. Designer Robert Jones had designed a cross in aluminium; unfortunately the cross was made in steel. A heavy burden, indeed.

A replacement aluminium version has now been hastily supplied. Phew! That's a weight off everyone's shoulders.

u ANN Widdecombe proved what I and a lot of people have thought for a long time when she came to York at the weekend. She's barking mad.

The Shadow Home Secretary was in the city to support the York Conservatives' campaign to keep the pound.

After the formalities, she posed for pictures with Keep The £ posters , then she took a fancy to a passing Yorkshire Terrier and added an element of farce to the proceedings by erupting into a series of woofs to win its attention.

The former prisons minister and alleged Paul Merton lookalike then crouched down and posed for more pictures with the dog while students brandishing posters grabbed the photo opportunity and muscled in on the scene.